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by
Todd Brown
Originally published October 29, 2001
Halloween
in Genoa City is the scariest time of the year.
Larry Warton sported a new 'do reminiscent of Young Frankenstein. Billy, JT and Nicholas
stuck their fingers into light sockets in order to produce the ever popular shock
treatment look. Brad Carlton teased and moussed his hair to create a retro 80's look
mimicking a band member from A Flock of Seagulls. Not to be outdone, wife Ashley Carton
retained her very scary Whatever Happened to Baby Jane hairstyle and terrorized her
husband into apologizing for all that went wrong with their marriage. She made a terrific
Banshee.
Meanwhile at the Genoa City homeless shelter, Amanda Browning continued to lurk in the
dark and shadowy corners, menacing innocent civilians. Her witch costume was formidable.
Nearby at the coffee shop, Brittany dressed up as a leopard. Nikki dressed up as a biker
chick. But no one could top the ominous presence of Dr. Death herself, Olivia "The
Butcher" Winters, who couldn't have represented gloom and doom more perfectly if
she'd been wearing a black hooded cloak and carrying a sickle.
Queen of fright night was the evil, diabolical genius Cassie Newman. I'm certain she felt
threatened of being replaced by another "precious little girl," and purposely
arranged the furniture at home in such a manner that guaranteed klutzy Sharon would trip
and fall. Did you catch the evil smile that spread across her face as she hugged her mommy
at the hospital? Or the evil eye she gave Nicholas when the dimwit made a feeble attempt
to deceive the child? Damien has nothing on this kid.
With no mention of a Cesarean section, one must assume the baby shot out of Sharon like a
bat out of hell despite its premature state. Sharon made it from Emergency room admissions
to recovery in a total of four minutes.
What might have been an otherwise touching moment in the lives of Sharon and Nicholas
Newman was marred by the absurdity of Sharon being pregnant for nearly ten months yet
delivering a baby too soon to live. Nevertheless I'm sure both Sharon Case and Joshua
Morrow will be nominated for Emmy awards for their performances, an irony matched only by
the idea of Charlie Brown winning an Oscar.
In defense of my cold attitude I've done quite a bit of research. I've asked every woman I
know who has ever had a baby if it's even possible to be pregnant for three months without
knowing it. They all laughed their asses off. Likewise the idea of sprinting across the
room in their sixth month provided the basis for even more snickering.
Despite being declared clinically insane, Tricia Dennison McNeil had a tough time
appearing "crazy" amongst so many other loonies. It would seem all it takes is a
phone call from Nicholas reporting that Sharon fell down went boom to send Victor running
to the hospital. Why on earth does every woman in town obsess over obtaining this man's
sperm?
Absurdities are not limited to Nick and Sharon, it seems. Fancy a mental hospital carrying
a full supply of Viagra, much less leaving their drug storage room open for any patient
wandering the halls. Tricia chose to dress up like a nurse and steal a supply of drugs
guaranteed to give the great Victor Newman a you-know-what even while unconscious. God
forbid we should be subjected to the sight of this old guy pitching a trouser tent. This
show has taken on a rather lurid angle in recent years. Another absurd scenario would have
us believe a cup of tea could dissolve six pills in seconds with no nasty after taste.
Mackenzie sported her usual clown with an upside down frown persona this week, thus
demonstrating that when one walks around with a sourpuss expression 24/7 they are
guaranteed to elicit concern from all those they encounter. While Mac's mom has fled her
home and reportedly abusive husband to live on the streets and in a homeless shelter, Mac
luxuriates in a mansion with servants, attends a toney private school and enjoys a
relationship with the wealthiest, if not dumbest, boy in town. Yet all anyone can think to
do is inquire after Mac's well being, her mother be damned.
In other Halloween news, Raul turned in a fine performance as Mr. Hyde and Mr. Hyde. Why
he has any friends at all is perhaps the greatest unsolved mystery in town. Miguel played
the part of a doormat beautifully, calling Nick's boy child "Master Noah." Does
he think he's I Dream of Jeannie? Surely Master Noah is next on Cassie's hit list. She'll
have to eliminate this obstacle standing in the way of her master plan to conquer Newman
Enterprises - and perhaps the world.
Ryan and Victoria played the part of insufferable pigs - which is nothing new for them. I
counted no less than eleven Chinese take-out cartons on their table, and despite putting
out plates they ate right out of the box. How much Moo Goo Gai Pan can one couple devour?
In spite of her difficulties Sharon mustered a little Halloween spirit herself. Aside from
donning her ever-popular facial bruise, kept on hand for repeated use, she played the part
of a vampire quite well, insisting the blood her husband gave belonged to HER. And of
course we had on hand our resident ghost, Matt Clark, gloating over being the father of a
dead kid. Spooky stuff.
Certainly Crabby Abby Carlton was frightened this week as her Auntie Jack clutched her to
his bosom. Her fearful expression belied confusion at being out of her cage and in a
strange home.
But scariest of all was the horrific visage of one Sean Bridges doing a strip tease for
resident town crone Jill Abbott. He really went all out with the costume. Beneath a punk
rock soccer goalie outfit he wore no less than two pairs of underwear: an elaborate black
thing with an odd flap over a pair of red skivvies. His dance of the dorkus is the stuff
nightmares are made of.
All in all, the most frightening week of the year. Thank goodness we only have to go
through it once a year. Or . . . DO WE?
BOO! |
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