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by
Todd Brown
November 15, 2008
What's with France and accordion music? Did the show
really find it necessary to play every scene in
Paris against a background of accordion music? Even
with all the characters strolling along the Champs-Élysées,
or past the Arc de Triomphe and Eiffel Tower? What,
did they think if they played Shania Twain I'd think
they were in Arkansas? How stupid do they think I
am? Wait, don't answer that. I am watching this
show, after all.
Victor sure got over Sabrina in a hurry. Nothing
like a roll in the hay with one of your ex-wives to
get over the death of your latest one. Hard to
believe a man Victor's age and so stricken with
grief he had to run halfway around the world could
actually still perform in bed, but I guess Victor
walks around with a 24-hour erection no matter how
sad he is. I just hope for Ashley's sake he took a
bath first. He's been wearing that same jeans and
jacket outfit since the last time we saw him in
church. I know they don't care much about personal
hygiene in France, but still.
Not that Ashley deserves a clean man. I don't know
what it is with Victor's ex wives and ex girlfriends
chasing after him no matter how many times he kicks
them to the curb. They must be masochists, or at the
very least have exceptionally low levels of self
esteem. They must also relate to Victor's
intolerable self-centeredness. In all the time
Victor and Ashley were together not once did Victor
ask "By the way, how is our daughter Abby?" It was
all "Me me me me me" from both of them.
Then when Ashley finally did mention Abby, Victor
suggested they uproot her, pull her out of school,
and live with them as they run from the law for the
rest of their lives. Even if they want to bring Eden
along to teach Abby how to live life on the lam, I'd
say Victor is one selfish bastard. Not that anyone
has ever before accused him of being father of the
year.
Of course, chances were good they'd never be found
with Heather on the case. I swear, half of France
and three quarters of Genoa City knew where Victor
was and Heather still had no idea. Victor became
such a familiar face in Paris the townspeople were
greeting him by name, and a whole slew of family
members just flew out there but Heather didn't
bother to tail them this time. Maybe that runaround
they gave her in South America did the trick after
all.
So Nick is quite the man whore, no? When he's with
Sharon, he wants Phyllis. When he's with Phyllis, he
wants Sharon. Throw Grace Turner into the mix and
he's got himself a regular harem. He's a slut, but a
loyal slut. I can't imagine on what planet Nick
thought Phyllis would be OK with him strolling
around with Sharon in the (allegedly) most romantic
city on earth. With Nick it's out of sight, out of
mind.
Nick can also be quite the demanding jerk, like his
father. That poor French lecturer guy was only
trying to help when he told Nick and Sharon their
rotten kid was missing - it's not as if he had
anything to do with it. He offered to find someone
in charge and all Nick could say was "You better
find a lawyer too because I'm gonna sue somebody!"
Like the French guy gives a damn. Just another rude
American to this guy.
Perhaps the most comical sight in Paris was that of
Phyllis walking around in her weird, feathered hat,
towering over everyone by at least a foot. She
looked like some evil version of Big Bird. Hard to
believe Nick and Sharon didn't spot her the way she
stuck out in a crowd, but I guess they were
otherwise engaged. For that matter it's hard to
believe Phyllis was able to spot them from the
distance she stood away from them, but then again
anyone can spot Sharon's tacky hair a mile away.
That Phyllis sure is a whiz with a mop and a broom,
though. She tore the whole house apart in a tantrum,
overturning furniture and smashing ornaments against
the wall, and yet when Nick came home a few minutes
later she had the place all cleaned up! I wonder if
Summer was upstairs during that tirade. Not that she
would have noticed. There is definitely something
wrong with that child. When Phyllis came home, the
baby sitter said Summer had missed her - yet you'd
never suspect it from the complete non-reaction
Summer had upon Phyllis' return. She didn't even
turn around and acknowledge that someone had just
walked in through the front door. I swear, Helen
Keller was more aware of her surroundings than that
kid.
Golly, Noah and Eden really do have a lot in common
after all. Both their dads have been to prison. Both
their parents are idiots. Noah's got a dead sister,
Eden's got a dead mother, so there's that to share.
And, oh yeah, they're both dimwits. Let's just hope
by the grace of God they never breed, because
neither one represents a genetic line that should be
perpetuated.
I noticed that while some scenes were actually shot
on the public streets of Paris, other scenes had
characters standing against a green screen onto
which footage of Paris was projected. It's as though
at some point, French officials went up to them and
said "Sacre bleu! Take your filthy American soap
opera out of here!" and they had to go home and film
the rest of the scenes in the studio.
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