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by
Todd Brown
So Liam turns out to be Billy Abbott, huh? Well, who
would have thought. Or, more to the point, who would
have known, had not the other characters identified
him. So far there have been three Billy Abbotts not
counting the various tots who played him as a child
about 15 years ago. There doesn't seem to be an
consistency in who plays this guy, he's had various
hair colors, body shapes and heights in his myriad
incarnations. They could have hired an Asian guy at
this point.
First he was Donald Trump, now he's Howard Hughes.
That's Victor Newman, holed up in his fortress of
solitude we're talking about. A few unanswered
letters on the table and a few unopened newspapers
on the sofa and everyone is freaking out. You'd
think he was sitting around with hair grown down to
his waist, fingernails unclipped since January and
surrounded by jars of his own urine the way Nicholas
reacted to the sight of the living room at the
ranch.
Why the hell is everyone so desperate to see Victor,
anyway? He's a grouch, he's a judgmental a-hole and
he's dismissive of everyone. You'd think they'd all
be glad to be rid of him, not knocking on his door
desperate for an audience. I fail to see his appeal.
Katherine said he's shunning all the people who love
him. People like . . . um, well, there's . . . um,
let me think now, people who love Victor, um . . .
there's . . . um, OK I give up.
So now Adam wants a job at Jabot? There must be a
dotted line drawn between the front door of Newman
Enterprises and the front door of Jabot for all the
rejects to follow it back and forth. I can see why
former strippers, gardeners and manicurists can't
find work elsewhere, but isn't Adam supposed to be
some sort of Harvard grad with experience on Wall
Street? Why can't he go get a job with Lehman Bros.
- oh, wait, never mind. How about AIG? Oops. Maybe
Bear Stearns? Uh-oh. OK I get it now. Ouch. Times
really are tough when the best a Harvard graduate
can do is a job packaging mascara. Hey Adam, I hear
Wal-Mart is hiring.
Glad to know Phyllis is OK with Daniel dating
Colleen. Yeah, that Amber was way too nasty for her
precious son. Tricking men into marrying her?
Phyllis never did that. Wearing bosom revealing
clothes and dresses with slits up the side and party
pumps and tacky jewelry at the office? Way too
uncouth for Phyllis' distinguished taste. But
Colleen, that's a different story. The daughter of
the man Phyllis blackmailed and went to jail because
of it. She's hunky-dorey.
Did Jack and Sharon take all the employees with them
when they left? Phyllis was shouting to an empty
room for someone to pick up the phone, and nobody
did. Who's calling anyway, political pollsters? But
no matter how desperate they are I can't believe
they'd be dumb enough to hire Nikki.
The given reason was that Nikki is "smart," has
"great fashion sense," and is a "consummate business
woman." Wow. Where to start? She's smart? Yeah she
was real smart when she married that David guy. She
has a great fashion sense? I won't even touch that
one, I'll leave it to the experts like Liza Van
Horne. Suffice it to say, those mammoth bosoms of
hers on full display represent the kind of fashion
I'd expect from the madam of a whore house, not an
editor in chief. And a consummate business woman?
She made her incurable, compulsive gambler of a
husband co-CEO of Jabot, a company at which she
worked for about a month. And during that time,
spent a collective total of about 2 hours at the
office. Prior to that she ran Clear Springs, which,
correct me if I'm wrong, blew up and then collapsed.
Does "consummate" mean "horrible?" I don't think
that word means what they think it means.
Finally, Jack has got to stop blaming Victor for
losing his stake in the magazine. Jack is the one
who agreed to that stupid coin toss thing, which I
still don't even understand because Jack actually
won the coin toss and still lost the magazine. This
is some kind of bizarro world where winning means
you lose, being a bastard means you're a saint
everyone obsesses over, and keeping your nose out of
trouble has people looking down on you.
Just ask Rocco.
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