Corner Stores
More Stores
Shop the GCN/Amazon Store
Best
Sellers |
|
by
Todd Brown
January 10, 2009
I have to wonder what it does to a kid to be on a
soap opera like Y&R. Consider, for instance, little
Darcy Rose Byrnes, who up until recently played Abby
Carlton. This cute little tot warmed her way into
our hearts with her portrayal until one day, her
parents had to tell her she'd been fired from the
show because she was no longer old enough to play
Abby. Imagine little Darcy turning the TV on one day
and seeing some sixteen year old playing her
character. She must have wondered what was wrong
with her. Did she not grow up fast enough? Why is
Abby sixteen now when she is still only ten?
Something like that could mess a kid up for life.
Of course, we all know why Abby had to grow up so
quickly. It's because Victor has an endless supply
of wives and children standing in line outside his
front door waiting to take their turn as mistresses
and masters of the manor. They probably have numbers
pinned to their shirts, just waiting for a current
wife or child to be kicked out so they can rush
right in and take their place. Nikki out, Sabrina
in. Sabrina out, Ashley in. Nick and Vicki out, Adam
in. Adam out, Abby in. And Abby is sixteen now
because that's the same age Sabrina's baby would be
by now if she had lived, probably.
Funny that JT should say Abby and Victoria will get
along well. Why not? Abby will probably be the same
age as Victoria before you know it, and they will
both be fighting over the same men. Maybe even
Victoria's ex-husband and Abby's ex-father Brad.
Abby doesn't even seem to remember her father is
Brad Carlton, not Victor Newman, in the legal and
emotional sense. Then again, considering those two
choices, I can't say as I blame her. She's damned
either way so she might as well go with the one who
has the most money and the least amount of time left
to live.
Did I hear right? Did Victor actually say he was
invited to the next president's inaugural ball? As
if Barack Obama, the most famous man in the world
right now, wants Victor Newman at his side? Like
Obama asked Victor to be his running mate and Joe
Biden was his second choice? Are they kidding me
with this? I know they go out of their way to tell
me what an important, famous and influential man
Victor Newman is, but this is ridiculous. Where does
it end? Why even stop there? Why not swear Victor in
as president? Why not have Victor give the state of
the union address? Wouldn't that be a laugh? "I will
fix this economy and I will crush the terrorists YOU
GOT THAT?"
Didn't Neil know Victor was bound to show up again
and take control? If Neil had a dollar for every
time Victor went missing he wouldn't even have to
work anymore. Neil has had to bend over and take it
from Victor so many times you'd think he liked it so
much it's a wonder he wanted to marry Karen at all.
And why does he lament the fact that his last name
isn't Newman? How does he even know for sure? Lots
of people turn out to be Newmans without even
knowing it. The way Victor spews his seed like a
broken lawn sprinkler there's a better than average
chance that Neil is his biological son too.
Here's some fun facts. Lily's cell phone number is
608-555-0123. Apparently Lily got the first phone
number ever invented. Not only that, but men from
far and wide fight over her. Why? I have no idea.
Wow, Billy actually thinks Lily is "brilliant?" Did
he grow up around morons? I realize you are more
likely to find intellectuals at a World Wrestling
Federation match than in Genoa City, but while
dozens of words come to mind to describe Lily,
"brilliant" isn't even on the list. When has she
ever actually displayed brilliance, exactly? The
time she was walking around on the beach dressed as
a strawberry? The time she went wandering off with a
serial rapist into the freight elevator? The time
she met an internet predator for a date? If Lily's
brilliant I must be Albert Einstein.
Now, if you want to talk about brilliant, Jana's
your girl. The woman was actually able to guess not
only Nick and Phyllis' security code but the
password for the guards when they called. In
addition to that, she and Kevin somehow figured out
that Noah had hidden the money at Nick's house,
despite having overheard him tell Eden it was hidden
at his "house." Until recently, Noah's "house" was
the Abbott estate, and is currently the athletic
club, which also happens to house about fifty
percent of the town's population. That Jana and
Kevin were able to deduce that by "his house" he
meant the dwelling where he only occasionally visits
his father and stepmother was nothing short of
amazing.
In addition to being the home to half the
population, the Genoa City Athletic club is also the
primary source of food, exercise and entertainment
for anyone who happens by. It is many things but
not, apparently, very exclusive, since even
strangers can wander in and make use of the
facilities. Even reporters are allowed to loiter
around in the dining area and accost paying members
of the upper crust, such as Jill Abbott. Luckily for
Jill the lax security policy works both ways, so she
can have her son pull a Sean Penn on said reporters
and knock them out without fear of reprisal or
lawsuit. It's like an exclusive spa for the rich and
a haven for the National Enquirer all rolled into
one. Who would go there?
More |
|
Please visit this merchant
|
