February 25, 2006
by Todd Brown

Am I to believe that the trials and tribulations of the Abbott family merit coverage on Entertainment Tonight? That Leeza Gibbon's cohorts are staked out on the front porch of the Abbott family to cover their ongoing legal troubles? What's next? Will Jack appear on Larry King? Will John be the next guest on Bill O'Reilly? Will Ashley be featured on Inside Edition? What a sad commentary on media whores when the founder of some dumb cosmetics company charged with an accidental shooting is what they're all scrambling for a sound bite on.

Jabot can't even give away their crappy products these days yet scores of reporters are camped out on their front lawn begging for an exclusive. Make up your mind, either people give a crap about Jabot or they don't. And am I mistaken or isn't it illegal to trespass? They might be able to line the street with their vans and satellite dishes but I think actually setting up camp on the front porch is another matter altogether.

Equally incredible is the notion that television sets around town, whether they be located at the athletic club or at the coffee shop, happen to be tuned to this particular broadcast at the same time for the benefit of those who are sitting around with nothing better to do. How convenient. That way everyone gets a gander at the family's dirty laundry at exactly the same time and gets to weigh in on it. God forbid any of them be at work or at school.

The local press finally wised up and headed on over to the athletic club waiting for John to show up as everyone in town inevitably does on a daily basis. Yet while there they paid no attention whatsoever to Jill, Katherine or Jack when they walked in and sat down. One would think they'd try to get a statement from the CEO of the company or its parent considering their lurid history with the defendant, especially in the case of Jill, yet the reporters in question somehow seemed to know Gloria on sight but not Jill. How odd.

No small wonder John was not afraid to face the possibility of life in prison. For one thing that amounts to roughly six to nine months in his case considering he has a heart attack or a stroke, or falls down and stabs himself on any given day and that's when he's a free man. For another thing the old fool is so clueless he actually had to have Michael explain the difference between "voluntary" and "involuntary" to him. Well, gee John, one means you meant to do it and the other means you didn't. I can't imagine how he ever mastered that "red light" vs. "green light" thing if his grasp on the English language is this tenuous, although it certainly helps to explain his recent car accident.

I also fail to see how John resigning from his post at Jabot will help their legal woes unless he is replaced with someone who actually bothers to show up at work more than once or twice a year. And if that is the case they better replace Ashley while they're at it. In the end, perhaps John will get lucky and be sent to the same prison Sheila was in. That way he can get cosmetic surgery and escape to rain terror upon Genoa City once more before the year is out.

Brad didn't seem capable of grasping the big picture upon learning the truth of Tom Fisher's murder. "This changes everything," he told Victoria. I guess a house has to fall on this guy before he gets it. One minute he has to stay married to Ashley because the press will have a field day with her if they learn he's divorced her after being charged with murder, and the next minute he thinks his pseudo daughter Abby will have a much easier time in school now that her mom's crime has been downgraded from murder to accessory after the fact. Kids that age, after all, grasp the nuances of those sort of legalities.

Much as I hate her, I think Victoria had the right idea cutting this guy loose. Still, it was refreshing to see Brad call Ashley on her lies and idiocy, yet I'm not sure I want to live in a world where Brad is the voice of reason. And it's not as if anything ever gets through to Ashley anyway. She's surrounded by a posse of enablers assuring her she never does anything wrong. Even as she openly voiced her doubts about her dubious mothering skills, the very man whose sperm she stole to create the child reassured her that she could do no wrong. This is why the woman never learns anything. She can lie, cheat, steal and impregnate herself with turkey basters 'til the cows come home and people will still line up to console her.

As my friend Cindy pointed out, Ashley was so damned concerned about leaving Abby without a mother that she drove on over to the athletic club, sat her ass down alone at a table with a glass of wine, and poured her heart out to Victor about not being able to be there for her daughter. Meanwhile Abby's off somewhere with Francis. I can't even remember the last time Ashley spent time with Abby.

There there's Colleen Carlton, having returned to Genoa City on the pretext of caring about her family's latest crisis, and yet she's the sole family member in town not in attendance at the Abbott breakfast table, choosing instead to offer her version of support by spending all her free time at the coffee shop owned and operated by her two sworn enemies. I don't know about you, but whenever I'm pissed off at the guy who tried to kill me, I tend to stay away from the establishment he runs and avoid drinking the coffee it serves. Not Colleen.

Moreover, this little twit seems to care more about ensnaring her former boyfriend than consoling her family during their hour of need, to the extent of doodling her ill begotten plans on a napkin right under the nose of her arch nemesis. She sure did inherit her father's sense of smart, didn't she? She thinks Kevin is such a psycho and yet here she is, seemingly determined to pattern her life after him, even paying someone to play a fake stalker. How long before she pours lighter fluid on herself and sets herself on fire to get JT's attention?

As if JT was worthy of this mad obsession, or needed such an elaborate scheme to ensnare his attention. The idiot agreed to go have dinner with Colleen knowing full well that Mackenzie freaks out at the very sight of the CD he made two years ago for her. How does he think Mac will react to his new dinner partner?

There must be an unwritten law in "acting" that requires all girls who have learned they are pregnant to walk around with their hand on their stomach as though the baby might burst through at any moment like in Alien. Brittany did it for six or seven months before she gave birth and now Mac is doing it too. And I think the Alien comparison might just be a little too close to the mark when one considers the possible offspring of a combined Mac and JT DNA. God help us all, the child is destined to whine and possibly sing at the same time.

Watching Lily and Colleen plot and scheme to either meet up with Daniel or break up Mac and JT seems very 7th grade to me. Clearly the writers are shooting for a younger and more insipid audience with this nonsense. I had more than my fill of Lily and Daniel last year, and it appears that Dru and Neil have learned nothing from the fiasco. No sooner is Lily back home but she's off and about without any supervision at all. If they're that worried about her why don't they bother to check up on her when she claims to be meeting with Sierra every other five minutes?

I guess it's because nothing is more important to Drucilla than buying a crazy new hat every day and wearing the most outlandish outfits she can find, and Neil is understandably mesmerized by the sight of her ample breasts only too clearly visible beneath the see-thru top she sports. I don't know what's keeping those puppies in place but one false move and the entire world is her mammogram.

Finally, the hearing for John Abbott was about as close to an episode of "This is your life" as it could get. Somewhere, John's erstwhile children Traci and Billy had far better things to do than so much as phone him, but apparently they managed to contact their siblings and say, "Tell Dad good luck with that whole prison thing."

I don't know what good it was supposed to do having Colleen testify as though she gives a flying damn about her grandfather. She's spent all of two seconds with the man she claims to need so much since she returned to town. It was odd to see her out of the coffee shop and I expected her to raise her hand at any moment and yell "Can I get a latte over here?"

Victor made a fine witness too, didn't he? Sort of like Satan testifying for the angel Gabriel, telling the judge that society seems to reward those who succeed due to treachery and greed. You know, like Victor. Unfortunately, this was not the same judge who gave Victor a little slap on the wrist for breaking the law when he committed fraud and bribery or else John might be a free man. Victor gets all the breaks.

Ashley probably drove the final nail in her father's coffin as she tried to explain to the judge that Tom Fisher was a vile human being ... whom she dated willingly for many months. I think the judge is just sorry he isn't able to lock the whole family up at once and throw away the key. I know I am.

Well, that's it for me, folks. I'll be signing off as the weekly author of Viewpoint after five years. I've grown weary of the denizens of Genoa City, though it has been my pleasure to share my thoughts with you. Thanks to Mr. Kellogg and all the many fine writers here at yrnews for making this one of the best sites on the net.