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Oh for God's sake, just
DIE already Cassie, DIE. She's been in her grave for almost a year now and
yet still we can't escape from her. Neither a holiday nor an event can pass
without us having to hear about how Cassie would have loved it so. This week
is was her birthday, and seemingly her idiot brother doesn't even know.
Takes after his father. Usually when a character is written off they stop
mentioning them the very next week yet somehow Cassie has gotten more screen
time now than when she was alive. I wonder if they have to pay Camryn Grimes
a stipend to have her portrait hanging up there in the coffee house. When's
the last time you saw a photo of Traci Abbott or Colleen Carlton?
Lauren, on the other hand, was written off without a thought and she didn't
even die. The whole town thought she was dead and shrugged their collective
shoulders and moved on, as our own Christine Hoffner rightly pointed out,
even after the woman has slept with half the men in town. Then upon rising
from the grave she didn't even bother to phone ahead and let people know she
was alive. She sat around chatting with Michael while leaving her son to
remain thinking she was gone. And how often have we heard the phrase "I
thought you were dead" uttered on this show? It's one of the top three most
overused sentences in Genoa City, right up there with "I'll see you in
court" and "I was drunk, I thought I was sleeping with my husband."
The local newspaper evidently splashed the news of her survival across the
front page with a headline that read "SHE'S ALIVE." I'm not sure why this
merited front page coverage when nobody seemed to give a damn when the
headline just a week before ostensibly read "SHE'S DEAD."
I thought surely we would have to chalk up Sheila's sudden appearance at the
loft, all cleaned up and minus the limp, to more bad writing. Instead it
turns out that it was her surgically altered identical twin Sugar No Last
Name, who languished in the insane asylum for at least a year, her hair
never growing out to reveal her roots. I guess now Sheila is going to have a
little plastic surgery on herself so she can return yet again one day. God
forbid the writers ever stop beating a dead horse no matter how tiresome she
becomes. So it would seem that Sheila's many victims haven't seen the last
of her yet. Our luck, neither have we.
It's probably due to what a horrifically bad actor Blair Redford is, but
Scotty sure didn't seem all that happy to learn his mother was still alive.
He was probably already mentally counting the millions of dollars he was
about to inherit now that his book deal is down the toilet. At least he was
polite enough not to hold his nose while he hugged his mother since she must
have surely stunk to high heaven by then. Thank God they threw out that
tacky track suit she's been wearing for the last month in exchange for
Scott's clothes. But I have to wonder, was she wearing his underwear too?
When's the last time Nick
and Sharon actually had sex in their bedroom? I'm baffled by their habit of
doing it on the living room sofa when anyone could walk right in. Maybe
that's what they're hoping for, to have Noah walk in on them and gasp in
horror. Maybe they're not satisfied to have killed their daughter and want
to become completely childless, and hope to induce a John Abbott like heart
attack in Noah. Catching his parents playing hide the sausage in plain sight
on the living room sofa ought to do it. I hope that thing is Scotch Guarded.
I'd like to know who the travel agent was that called Sharon's cell phone,
because when Nick picked it up he said "No, but this is her husband." Which
suggests the caller asked "Is this Sharon Newman?" Are there a lot of men
named Sharon? Or was the travel agent unable to distinguish between a man
and a woman's voice? Perhaps there have been similar calls made when the
travel agent mistook a man's voice for a woman and was told "I stopped
taking my estrogen pills so my voice is a little deep right now." Better
safe than sorry.
I fail to see why John has a heart attack every time he learns his children
have done something stupid if he's strong enough to have sex trysts with
Gloria. Considering how often his children misbehave he should have been
dead long ago. It should be fairly easy to polish him off at this point,
just by adding "Oh and by the way, Ashley also stole Victor Newman's sperm
and Abby isn't your real granddaughter. Which she wouldn't have been anyway
since Ashley isn't your real daughter." The man's a walking time bomb, if he
only knew the half of it.
Nice to know that despite the stress of being under arrest for murder,
Ashley still has the wherewithal to put on her best outfit, her dangly
earrings, curl her hair and put her sparkle barrette in. I'm guessing even
if she goes to jail she'll still be a fashion plate. Meanwhile if anyone in
this town should be paid as a private investigator is should be Gloria. She
was able to figure out this latest caper in a matter of minutes, a crime
Paul Williams would not have been able to solve even if he'd been given a
full manuscript and a finger puppet show.
Why would there be a "cozy blanket" in the waiting room closet for Abby to
snuggle up with? It's not as if anyone who visits Newman Enterprises is ever
kept waiting. They just waltz right in without even being announced. Maybe
Connie has to sleep there.
I have to disagree with Ashley that it's not fair Abby should pay the price
for her mistakes. Clearly Ashley gave no thought whatsoever to her own
daughter when she decided to pull this stunt, and what a great lesson she's
now teaching Abby: if someone frightens you, kill them. Out of the mouths of
babes, upon learning that Lauren was alive, Abby wondered aloud whether Tom
Fisher might also be resurrected from the grave. In this town, anything is
possible.
Sparing the parents from having to explain that dead is dead in Genoa City,
except for when it isn't, Gina conveniently showed up to whisk little Abby
away to the Kitchen of Doom, where children who ask too many questions go
and never come back. The last anyone ever saw of Kyle or Nate they were
headed for the same place. God willing, Abby should only suffer their same
fate.
Isn't Gina suddenly so wise to recognize how evil Tom was? Nevertheless she
permitted him full access to the Athletic Club she allegedly runs, served
him drinks, gave him food, chatted with him and treated him as though he was
a paying member. Maybe she was ultimately hoping to lure him into the
kitchen. God only knows what goes on in there but people who see it seldom
live to tell the tale.
I don't know who was
creepier, Tom's corpse or the guy who worked at the morgue. It's like they
went out of their way to induce nightmares. The thought of Tom's dead, naked
body reaching out to hug Kevin is the stuff psychiatry is made for. Knowing
this show, Tom will continue to haunt Kevin like Cameron Kirsten only to be
dropped like a hot potato as soon as the writers are distracted by some new
shiny object and we'll never figure out what the hell happened to him
either. Pity they had to lose another compelling actor when Roscoe Born is
ten times more interesting as a dead body than half the cast are as living
ones.
The University of Boston must be hard up if they're now awarding full
scholarships to foster kids who lived on the street up until just a year
ago. Regardless of how well Devon has done in school this past year, his
application would hardly be considered stellar enough for such prestige. But
I have to say, I'd rather go to Genoa City University too. You only have to
go for a couple of hours a month for about three months before you graduate
and become a doctor, a lawyer or a corporate executive. Although considering
the doctors, lawyers and executives on this show, I guess it's true that you
get what you pay for. |
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