The lack of sets on this show have inspired the
unseemly and very unhygienic practice that has come
to be known as sofa sex. Since couples no longer
have bedrooms, we are constantly witness to lovers
bathing in the afterglow on their living room sofas.
Nick and Phyllis have sex on the couch, and so do
Amber and Daniel when they manage to get up off the
floor. Nick and Sharon used to have sex regularly on
the sofa, a ritual that Sharon managed to carry over
into her next marriage to Jack. Michael and Lauren
also engage in this unhealthy practice.
I don't know about you, but I sure as hell don't
want to sit on someone's sofa knowing they just
fornicated there minutes earlier. Chloe and Devon
walked in on Lily and Cane post coital and moments
later Chloe was sitting on the very surface their
naked bodies had only just finished writhing on.
It's ironic she had to fake sickness after exposing
herself to such unsanitary conditions.
Still, it gives me an idea for an excellent job
opportunity for Gloria: upholstery cleaning. She'd
never go broke in this town with a job like that.
Not that she should need to resort to it. Am I
mistaken or doesn't her daughter in law own a very
large chain of department stores? And isn't her son
the busiest lawyer in town? Yet neither of them
lifted a finger to find a position for her at either
of their respective and very lucrative businesses.
Not that I can blame them for not wanting her
around, but it never even seemed to occur to them
that she can do better than pouring coffee for the
local peasants while inflicting her on Kevin. And if
they truly want her out of their hair they could
easily set her up with a harmless title at one of
their companies and nice condo on the other side of
town. Everybody wins.
Speaking of job opportunities, I've got a great one
for David too. He can clean up by becoming an
adviser to fellow gamblers. Whatever David bets on,
just bet against it and you are sure to win because
David is the worst gambler that has ever been known
to mankind. I fail to see how he ever became
addicted to losing truckloads of money when he has
never won a single thing in the entire time we've
known him. I bought one lottery ticket for a dollar
once and won nothing and was never tempted to buy
another. But watching David Chow lose 40 to 100
grand every time he makes a bet is making me want to
gamble against him. I wonder if that's how he got
started.
It looks as though Sharon has managed to find
herself a "famous" interior designer to redecorate
the Abbott home, which has been badly in need of it
for decades. Maybe now all those glass balls can be
recycled into pop bottles or something. However, if
this man has done homes for Cher, Elton John and
Pamela Anderson, that's not exactly a resume I'd
expect someone respectable to have a high opinion
of. Granted Sharon has no taste, but those are not
three people I would envision having houses one
would want to emulate. Those are three people I
would expect to have garish, over the top,
circus-type houses like Michael Jackson. Does Sharon
want her home to be filled with mirrors, disco balls
and glitter? Maybe she does.
Speaking of faux famous people, it seems that
Restless Style style has managed to snag yet another
pseudo celebrity for their next cover. I'm not much
for pop culture these days but I'm pretty sure I
never heard of anyone named Katy Perry before. So, I
did as Nick and Phyllis suggested, and I Googled
her. I did not find a million hits. What I found was
3 hits, one of which was a YouTube link to some girl
singing "UR so gay."
Maybe that explains her "manager," Evo. It seemed
like the guy was after a little something more than
a magazine cover judging by his reaction to meeting
Nick when he responded to "Hi I'm Nick Newman" with
"NICE!" Maybe I got the wrong idea, but so did Evo.
Nick doesn't swing that way. At least not that I
know of. Maybe Sharon can introduce him to her new
designer.
