Week of 01.31.05

Friday

Whoever thought former Abbott resident slave and current house squatter PainMe Johnson was a bad girl when she reluctantly gave her approval (August 24, 2004) to the affair going on with her former employer and Gloria Fisher ("Sight unseen, I'm willing to keep an open mind") and should generally mind her own business ain't seen nothing. Gloria Fisher Abbott is on the attack. Swarming over Genoa City like a crazed vulture treating the hired help like so much sub-human Latino or Mexican trash. More

Thursday

The violent march of the love triangles is heading down the backstreets of Genoa City - again. But must we watch? Must we witness another soul-mauling string of lies and hypocrisy that only alienates and aggravates and inflames? More

This just in. Samurai sword slashing Damon Porter is seen as Jabot's last hope. More

Wednesday

Cleveland, Ohio - Many questions were being raised here Wednesday following the collapse/fainting spell of Wisconsin socialite Brittany Hodges Marsino at an out of the way cemetery where her notable female meat market purveyor husband was burying his dead brother. "Fainting spells are pretty common around here. Dumping bodies into the ground can be stressful. Then again it could have been something she ate. Say, you looking for a preacher?" an unidentified caretaker at the cemetery told reporters. More

Rich beyond their wildest dreams, with big sprawling ponderosas to live on, with successful husbands bringing home pounds of bacon why do elitist women like Dru Winters work? Is it a women's lib thing? Wouldn't they be better off as stay at home moms where they might actually serve some purpose? More

Tuesday

Sitting alone Tuesday on the Newman Jitter Joint patio Devon Hamilton whipped something out of his pocket. It wasn't a Bible wherein he'd marked some passages so as to remind him how freaking lucky he is to have people who care about him or a text book so he might at least give the appearance of being scholarly. No, it was a birthday card from his dead granny! More

Dear Mr. Abbott, sources are saying you are crazy to go back to work at your age. They say your health ain't what it used to be not that it would be given the many heart attacks you've had. There is much concern. We gotta talk, Yawn. Are you sitting down? Thinking cap on? Drooling cup nearby? Excellent. More

Monday

As it so often does the Genoa City business community was reeling again this week following the split decision Monday by Jabot Cosmetics Founder John 'Yawn' Abbott to fire Ashley Carlton from her position as company CEO. Unlike the similar ousting of his son, the drooling in a cup Abbott waived any need for a Board of Directors meeting to approve his decision. More

How slimy was it for Brittany Marsino to have asked her husband this week if he'd not only like to have dinner at the Sugar Shack but move in there too? Does she really think he'd like to be only feet away from where the always raging angry J.T. celebrates National Masturbation Month on a daily basis and where the virgin Mac Browning probably wears out Magic Hitachis faster than Hitachi can make them? More

Now that long-hair Daniel Romalotti has agreed to become Samurai sword slinging Damon Porter's replacement son the question must be asked: why did he do it? Why would any kid so easily cast aside the father who put him through Swiss Boarding School? Did Mommy Phyllis Summers maybe say, "Now, Daniel. You know Damon Porter really meant it when he said he wanted to be part of our lives. So why can't you play along? You know how much Damon likes you. You know that slime you call Pa ain't never coming back. Why not go along with this lame salt and pepper routine by replacing the child Damon lost?" More

Week of 01.24.05

Friday

When was the last time your parents or caregivers swabbed your mouth especially when you didn't have a cold or any sign of a medical malady just to be better safe than sorry? What's that you say? Never? Apparently you don't live in Genoa City where DNA and sperm stealing is routine. More

Horrific as it may be, imagine for a moment that you are Bobby Marsino and you've just be awarded a bag of bones. Imagine you are Mackenzie Browning and you've got a big college exam coming up. Imagine you are Nick Newman and you've just given your wife a fancy job complete with key to a new office. Imagine you are Lily Winters -well, maybe not. What do you do and who gives a RIP? More

Thursday

Like the lost and found department at Fenmore's Little Shop of Horrors where all items not claimed within 30-days become the property of store management, a spokesgeek for the Genoa City Police Department said this week that the bones thought to be those of Joshua Casein held in its evidence room for a year will be turned over to local cabaret owner Bobby Marsino. More

The excitement, the thrill of being back in Genoa City, being so close again to the hunkmonkey she once loved she can smell J.T. Hellstrom's armpits, has apparently given Colleen Carlton such a buzz she's considering making the ultimate sacrifice by going to Genoa City University much like Mac Browning sacrificed an education for Billy Abbott. Just one of the many recipes for disaster. More

Wednesday

After less than 90 days on the job as a spokesgeek for the troubled Jabot Cosmetics, Sharon Newman has quit without notice what she had said was the most prestigious and exciting company she'd ever worked for. More

Where else but in Genoa City would the police - sitting on a 40 year old unsolved missing persons case with rotting bones held for a year in the department's evidence room as yet to be identified - ask permission to question the one person who may be able to solve the case? More

Tuesday

The case against sometimes Newman Enterprises webmaster Phyllis Summers and on the Jabot Cosmetics payroll as a lab rat but never works there Damon Porter came to a screeching halt this week when the District Attorney - thanks to the love it or leave it mentality of shyster Michael Baldwin - tossed the case for lack of evidence. More

Isn't it too early for cabaret owner Bobby Marsino to be thinking about a funeral for his brother? Shouldn't he stew another week or so? Haven't Joshua Casein's bones been rotting for 40+ years? What would a few more days matter? And what about the implications? If Marsino goes to claim 'dem bones won't many eyebrows be raised? Questions to be answered? Will Marsino have to relive the nightmare and maybe run off again without telling anybody? Worse yet ... what if the Press finds out what a big boner this story has turned out to be? More

Monday

It's one of those many things that could only happen in godforsaken lawless Genoa City: a city jail inmate, unhappy with his living conditions, demands to see the District Attorney and damn but what he isn't escorted straight to Glenn Richards' office where he agrees to bust the knuckle-dragging Summers/Porter case wide open. More

What has the Winters brothers at each others throats? What causes a menacing chill to fill the room each time they've been together since the thought to be dead bandana-wearing Malfunction Winters returned from the African jungle very much alive? What conjures up the very presence of Satan himself as he laughs maniacally at how quickly these boys are to play the evil card? Only one thing really. They come from different worlds! More

Week of 01.17.05

Friday

Barely able to tolerate even the slightest glimpse of his brother without a physical gag, coffee shop manager Malfunction Winters is about to deliver another sucker punch to the intellectual gut. A blow to the entire Winters clan that could send it erupting into volcanic dust given how the man has almost single-handedly poisoned the happy family pie and soiled the gene pool and pretty much slammed a bloody meat cleaver down its middle. More

Thursday

Genoa City was closed.

Wednesday

What were the odds that attorney Michael Baldwin would ride donkey-face Lauren Fenmore on the same day and at the same place as Damon Porter and Adrienne Markham? Was it so the sad-freaks could wag their fingers and cause Baldwin and themselves great embarrassment? Was the romp in the hay meant to distract from the socially humiliating stink Baldwin stepped in? More

After pounding a beat for two days GCN editor Brent Kellogg comes up with 13 reasons why the GCN may go weekly. More

Tuesday

How amazing that a reporter from Georgia suddenly showed up this week in Genoa City looking to question the local district attorney about something the Georgia Parole Board did in connection with the Phyllis Summers/Damon Porter case when not a single Genoa City reporter - the GCN not withstanding - has taken any interest in the case or once requested an interview with any of the easy to find participants for their side of the story. More

Monday

The deeply frightening thin-lipped glob of swill who perpetually looks like she just swallowed a large dung beetle has arrived. If you didn't know you might think Tammy Faye Baker had taken up residence in Genoa City. Check out the heavy eyeliner and the darkness without end. More

Victor Newman made a huge mistake when he volunteered to save Jabot Cosmetics and Ashley Carlton's lying ass. Newman should have let this company die. He should have sat back and smiled as the Abbotts and the Carltons without their safe and secure meal ticket scurried around like cockroaches looking for new jobs. More

Week of 01.10.05

Friday

Some dogs like to dig up cat crap and eat it! Veterinarians say this is normal behavior as the dog doesn't know any better. To the dog the crap smells and tastes sweet, like candy. Only thing to do is scold the dog. Tell it no, no. Don't eat that! One might make the analogy to the people and events in Genoa City and the Phyllis Summers/Damon Porter criminal case in particular. It may smell sweet, but it's really crap. More

Just when it was thought that Bobby Marsino's hypnotic gawking at his dead brother's photo would be the end of it, just when it was hoped that Marsino had accepted that the dead should bury the dead, move on with his life and get on with the business of dumping his too young to be married to an old Sopranos-like gangster, damn but what he didn't scrape the bottom of the pit late this week. More

Thursday

While working in a New York lab late one night an overzealous employee saw a frightful site on the Internet. One of its many competitors was selling "Drackys" to the general public. Commonly known in the business as body fluid/hair sample collection kits Drackys come in two versions. The fully accredited court approved test or a simple home test to easily solve any paternity issue, the later of which is free for the asking. As the story goes the lab employee rushed to his boss and said, "Hey boss! There's much money to be made. Why don't we get into this business too?" And so it did. But who would have thunk that this obscure little lab would have been the same where Genoa City's own Phyllis Summers once worked? More

Of course it makes sense that a hormonally suppressed seventeen-year-old girl would want to go away to Africa with her Uncle. It's not like they aren't compatible. Lily Winters is a Gemini and Malfunction Winters is Aquarius. Naturally this alignment of airheads dictates that Uncle should pull a tickle me Elmo on his niece. He did invent the word cool after all. So what's next? Another mystery baby? More

Wednesday

It was perhaps the dumbest statement ever made by frat boy/hunkmonkey/PI apprentice J.T. Hellstrom. He couldn't tell Mrs. Brittany Marsino why her husband had gone missing. He couldn't say that like so many lost souls in Genoa City Bobby Marsino had gone away to sort things out or ask why, now that hubby is back, the little wife doesn't ask him herself. Hellstrom couldn't do any of these things for if he had he would have lost his job. More

Atrocious labor practices, reliance on gifted workers who never come to work, saturation marketing to women of color of which there are 4 in all of Genoa City, bad business decisions that have left Jabot floundering in the toilet for nearly a decade and CEO Ashley Carlton is worried about employee morale? More

Tuesday

It's that time again. Running a bit late this year the annual patronize the homeless drive is, but better late then never they say. And who better to head up this year's fundraiser for the poor and downtrodden and left out on the streets in the cold? Why, Katherine Sterling of course. The alcoholic is taking a moment or two out of the warmth and comfort of her vast wealth to toss a few old clothes the homeless way when what they really need are jobs and housing. More

When persons charged with crimes hire what are supposedly the best and brightest and most expensive lawyers money can buy find that when all is said and done it's up to them to find the evidence what does it say about the Genoa City justice system? Not much. More

Monday

Sometimes, when there is no story, when there is nothing to justify the criminal charges against Damon Porter and Phyllis Summers, when lawyers handling the case do what their clients demand and not what the law prescribes, when private detectives say the simple details are so very complex and the real person who should be the defendant is the victim, there is only one thing to do. Imagine. Imagine what it might be like sitting on the jury. If, that is, there is a jury. More

What goes around comes around. As they always have and regardless that Victor Newman said he didn't want the company, here he is again fighting with the Abbotts over Jabot. History repeats itself. Those who don't learn from the past are destined to repeat it. For all the times she's been told to stay away from Victor and has said repeatedly she can't trust him, here Ashley Carlton is making a deal with the Devil. A deal the Devil himself might consider a job well done. More

Week of 01.03.05

Friday

No, no, no. It's not about role reversal. It's not about making a scene so that those sitting at home after a hard day on the $7.25 per hour job can say, "Gosh, I wish I had the gumption to stand up to my boss the way Phyllis Summers did and might just do it now that I've seen again how this woman who never hardly ever works can keep a job. Damn straight, I'm gonna do it tomorrow. Tell my boss to stop ordering me around like I was a slave or something." More

Thursday

In what quite possibly could be the worse case of Rapid Aging Disease ever to strike Genoa City, the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Brad Carlton turned seven somewhere along the line. Quite a feat for a child born November 13, 2000. Stunning, considering that on March 29, 2004, the kid was three. No wonder the Carltons want the best for Abby Carlton. At the rate she's aging she'll be entering college soon. More

While her counterpart Nikki Newman was wallowing around in such a daze the manager of Genoa City's posh Athletic Supporter Club felt compelled to call in the ghoulish Katherine Sterling, Brittany Marsino was skipping off to see a movie with hunkmonkey J.T. Hellstrom. More

Wednesday

That smile on Daniel Romalotti's face as he felt Damon Porter's spit on his forehead said a thousand blissful words. It's a wonder the teenage boy didn't tell Porter, "Why stop there? If you want to kiss me why not just kiss me on the lips? The Devil knows I can't score with the chicks around here so why don't you and I go into the bedroom and get serious?" More

It's been a black week for Genoa City business. In the span of just a few days a failed CEO has been tabbed to ruin Chancellor Industries, a failing CEO sits around on her ass at home feeling sorry for herself as Jabot Cosmetics burns and a woman with little more experience than that of a spokesgeek has been placed in charge of Newman Enterprises entire cosmetics division. Can it get much worse? More

Tuesday

With only a general degree from Genoa City University Newman Enterprises CEO Nick Newman has good reason to be constantly watching his back. The silver spoon stuck in his mouth won't help his climb up the corporate ladder either when it's members of his own family who are out to slap him down as appears will be the case when Newman's sister returns soon to kick his ass. More

What's the latest with the Scott Peterson case? Is Amber Frey still shaking after finding out that Peterson, the man she'd been dating, was not only married, but that his wife was pregnant, missing and that Peterson was a suspect? Those following the case know because there's nonstop coverage of each and every burp Peterson ever made. But ask Genoa City residents what's the latest with the attempted murder of Dominic Hughes and many will say, "Who?" More

Monday

What happens in Genoa City when the stress of daily life becomes too much for its elitist citizens? Those unable to cope run off to parts unknown without warning and without notifying immediate family members thus inflicting even more stress on an already stressed out population. Fortunately, in the case of female meat market operator Bobby Marsino, he didn't leave a note or instructions that he isn't to be found and not to attempt looking for him which means he'll be back. In the meantime Genoa City's action figure for imbeciles, J.T. Hellstrom has swung into action. More

Given that lusting after family members is in their blood why should coffee shop manager Malfunction Winters' relationship with his niece/daughter and Lily Winters' infatuation with telling uncle/daddy how hot he makes her feel not be suspect? More