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by
Liza Van Horne
July 1, 2008
Dear Mom and Jack,
Hi guys, how are you doing? I'm having a pretty good
time at camp but you didn't tell me I was going to
be rapidly aged! Thanks a lot. I mean, I would have
appreciated a heads-up. In between making leather
wallets and woodworking and playing soccer, the
doctors pump us full of hormones and steroids and I
grew eight inches in three days which was pretty
painful. I wondered why you sent all those clothes
with me that were too big. Now I know.
My voice changed yesterday and now I sound all
manly. It's pretty funny. My cabin-mate Stewart is
jealous because he doesn't have any hair "down
there" yet. I told him not to worry about it because
wet dreams aren't much fun anyway and my sleeping
bag is all gross and sticky. We have to attend
classes on "You, Your Body and You" and talk about
our dingers and it's pretty embarrassing. I would
rather ride my favorite horse here, "Princess", than
have to talk about having funny feelings around
girls and getting hair in weird places and dealing
with peer pressure, but I didn't have a say, now did
I?
I still feel eleven years old. I want to read my
Star Girl books and play Pirates but we aren't
allowed to do things that the camp director says are
childish. We have to adjust to our teenaged bodies.
It isn't easy. I learned to shave last week and cut
myself like, five times. My counselor caught me
shaving my legs and I got in trouble. Also, I stink
like crazy and you guys didn't pack any deodorant
for me.
In pottery class I made a sculpture of two snakes
fighting each other but the instructor frowned and
said I needed to redo it and make it a snake
fighting with a flower. I don't understand what the
problem is. He told me that just because I like my
new friend Kyle and like to sit next to him for
meals doesn't mean I have to run around telling
everybody I think Kyle has pretty eyelashes. Is
there something I don't know that you should have
told me?
I don't get this whole thing about how now that
we're physically teenagers we're supposed to want to
kiss girls. I don't! AT ALL. We had this dance where
the girls from the next camp came over and we were
supposed to pick a date. Well, I didn't want to pick
a date, I just wanted to hang out with Kyle and he
wanted to hang out with me but they made me pair up
with Ellen Bumrose who is like, sixteen and about
ten feet tall and has horrible huge bosoms. I had to
slow dance with her and I thought I was going to
die. Her gross boobies were right in my face. Barf.
Besides Kyle I have another new friend who likes to
talk about pirates too, and who picks wildflowers
and brings them to me. I thought that was very nice
of him but my camp counselor took them away and gave
me a copy of Playboy to read. He sat me down and
made me turn the pages and made comments about what
I was supposed to find "compelling". I don't know
what he means. I felt like I was watching the
Surgery Channel. That stuff is so gross.
But I do like the sports here. It's really hot and
most of the boys take their shirts off. I also like
swimming. We play this game where one guy sits on
the other guy's shoulders straddling his head and
then another team does it too and we try to knock
each other off. I am the best at it so far. I can
stay on my partner's neck for a really long time.
Well, I gotta go. I am having fun but this is
not what I expected and I really wish I could still
be a kid but whatever.
When I get home, we are going to have a talk.
Love,
Noah
P.S. say hi to Fisher
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