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Fashion/Style by Liza Van Horne
September 26, 2008

Oh, my dear, dear readers, I'm sorry to say that the "art" "show" was still in full swing at the beginning of this week, and I'm sure you were already as over it as I was. One bright spot was that Jana and Kevin finally arrived; she had chosen to wear a light blue vintage-looking sleeveless dress with a deeply scooped neck, fitted waist, and slightly belled skirt, glittering all over with silver sequins. (It wasn't nearly as garish as that description probably makes it sound, truly.) She had the front of her hair piled high on the crown of her head with the back part left down, and - I swear to God - I cannot look at any version of that high backcombed hair/sideswept bangs style anymore without immediately being seized with the urge to call everybody Chaaaarlie. It gives me a headache. And makes me cranky.

As the "art" "show" wound to a close, we were treated to approximately fifty-seven-thousand views of that one freakin' sketch of Amber's back, with her butt wrapped in a towel. Frankly, I do not find it to be a particularly sensual sketch; the model's shoulders look like a slanted curtain rod, and the angel of her pose is really awkward and uncomfortable-looking. If you ask me, it should be called "Ow, Ow! I've Got A Cramp In My Side." Porniel kept staring at it wistfully and pretending it meant nothing to him, and staring at it some more, and taking the red sticker off and putting the red sticker back on... Good God, make up your mind already. It's not like he doesn't see Amber in person practically every day! I doubt he's going to forget what her BACK looks like. Especially since it's often facing him as she's huffily leaving various rooms he's in.

One last thing about the "art" "show" shenanigans: after a thoroughly soused Amber had a romp in the hotel bed with Unca Billy - during which she was apparently too drunk to unhook her black bra - they lay side by side, panting and congratulating themselves, and then Unca Billy started asking questions about Cane! "What's CANE like? How could CANE have let you go? What was it like being married to CANE? Does CANE prefer milk chocolate or dark chocolate?" I half expected him to whip out a ruler and ask Amber if CANE's dinger was bigger than his.

Let me state this bluntly: most men - straight men, anyway - do not ask nosy questions about previous lovers. They just don't. You know why? In the vast majority of cases, they really don't CARE. And they for SURE don't ask questions about previous lovers immediately after SEX. And if the previous lover in question is your half-brother... I mean honestly, who really wants to know?!

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