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by Brent Kellogg
July 13, 2009

Somebody asked what I thought about the new adventures of Amber Moore with her ex named Deacon, which may as well be Demon for all the evil it conjures up, in town pretending to be an art dealer and you know, as a rule, I don't think of such things.

Why should I when Amber's only purpose has been to be a cradle robber with attractions for young boys half her age, the boys in question half-witted what with their crime sprees and bad looks. Seriously, who can say that either Daniel, or his crime-ridden pal Kevin Fisher, is good looking? Outside their lives of crime, what exactly do Daniel and Kevin and Amber do? She has a line of green sea turtle shoes at Fenmore's one department store? Daniel is what today - an artist? Kevin does what - owns a coffee shop?

All this is merely part of the crazy allure, merely what the creators adore about us - the fact that we are, without doubt, just as uninformed and generally ignorant of social complexity as they are. The fact that we have such a captive imagination has zero to do with our intellectual skills or ability to know a good plot line when we see one.

How many times have we bent over and let them have their way with us, ramming us with their dumb-ass takes on grief and medical procedures and misplaced trust. Look there! It's so trusting of a strange woman she doesn't know Phyllis Newman leaving her young daughter alone with no doubt she's a freak Patty Williams and when the kid goes into a coma and comes out the other side saying what a fool she was to have trusted a total stranger.

More strange is the fact that Victor Newman, his persistent jawboning how family is so precious, is the one who unleashed Patty on his family like a pharmaceutical company pumps poison into the water supply. Heaven help Victor when son Nick finds out and you know Nick will because you have seen these recycled plots so many times you know way in advance how the story ends.

For example, did you not know that given a photo of Summer Newman purported to have been found under Patty's evacuated hotel room bed, paid for by Victor an easy to prove fact which explained why he could enter said room at will, Assistant D.A. Heather Stevens would accept the photo as probable cause to check Patty's credit card transactions? Did you also know that all crazies, be they male or female or on the run from the law are so stupid as to use credit cards because as criminals they are ignorant?

But who would have ever imagined Summer Newman would just up and quit, just give up like that, the pressure and the scrutiny and the poorly sung nursery rhymes and book reading and stuffed animals and favorite tunes on a freaking CD no less when most kids have iPods or MP3 players - and why the hell didn't young Noah Newman know that - and the orders to "wake up" overwhelming and so alone in a hospital room Summer pulled the oxygen mask off her face and then the string on her chest cried "Ma Ma".

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