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Commentary by Brent Kellogg
September 9, 2009

Pop quiz: You are blackmailing, demanding ransom from only the two richest men in Genoa City. To accomplish this you have kidnapped a woman, taken her to a remote cabin in the woods owned by one of your victims and then left her alone while you return to the city to collect your ransom said to be in the millions. Always thinking ahead, you have found, on a used car lot let's say, a van equipped with the latest two-way communication technology over which you will deliver complicated instructions as to where the money is to be placed. A bus, or train depot seems to work best as does the technology in that it distorts the sound of your voice only slightly so that anyone who has ever heard your voice before wouldn't be able to figure out who you are.

Certain that all has gone as planned, you will be shocked when the money explodes leaving you covered with ink much the way bank robbers are foiled. You won't think for a moment that your victims may in fact compare notes and recall it was you who originally offered a deal to expose the identity of one of the victims responsible for bringing the person being ransomed to the big city.

Nor will you seem to care that while you were out tooling around town a third party would appear at the cabin thus setting the hostage free and royally pissing off those who paid good money to get their hands on. Of course, now that the plan has backfired it doesn't matter. Since you didn't get the money what harm has been done? What reason would there be for you to leave town and never ever come back? It's not like your victims will learn what you've done and feed your sorry ass to the sharks.

But the big question is: What will you do with the high-tech van? Is there a high demand for such things? Was it really just a rental that you take back to Avis? Won't Avis charge you extra for ink removal?

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