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by Brent Kellogg
Brent's morning
coffee courtesy of Speeder &
Earls, Burlington, VT.
September 24, 2008
Oh my freaking god! J.T. Hellstrom wasn't the first to sleep with Billy
Abbott, Amber Moore was!
Isn't that sweet? Just when I was starting to like Amber for dumping the
dorky Daniel Romalotti, she goes back to her old slutish ways. Granted,
Billy looks like his pushing fifty, buy can't Amber find someone her own
age? What is it with the age difference in this godforsaken town? First
Amber is hot for the twenty-year-old Daniel and now she wants the
chronologically fifteen-year-old Billy?
Pig that she is, at least Colleen Carlton goes after boys more her age, but
who left her and Daniel alone in the art gallery so they could have sex?
Does Daniel carry condoms in his wallet? Is she on birth control? What made
Colleen say that Daniel's show was a success? You sell five pencil sketching
and this is hitting the art jackpot? Is Colleen's brain rotting? Is there a
Jana Hawkes tumor inside it? Why would she say that Billy is from a wealthy
family and needs to be somewhat anonymous? Is someone planning to kidnap
him? We should be so lucky. Other than the occasional food bank shopper and
drug addict looking for a fix, who the hell in Genoa City isn't wealthy?
What's the fear when the likes of Eden Baldwin can simply walk into the
Baldwin's thought to be highly secure condom? And for crying out loud what
was Billy's remark that Daniel's sketches don't capture the twinkle in
Amber's eye? When has Daniel drawn anything other than Amber's backside?
What's up with Daniel having a hate-on for Billy when he never knew Billy
that well? I'd say again he didn't know Billy at all, but I'm told Billy
once gave Daniel a tour of the Chancellor Mausoleum and therefore they'd be
best buds. The easy answer is that Billy spoke ill of crazy Kevin Fisher.
Billy is all too aware that Kevin tried to kill his niece, but since Daniel
doesn't know shit about the history, he wouldn't know about that. To Daniel,
Kevin and crazy bitch Jana are just the sweetest people he ever did meet.
Speaking of the Baldwins, let's see what Eden's story is. Oh shit! She'll
only give name, rank, and serial number. Typical angry child, Eden has
plenty of blame to spread around. Her daddy is in jail and it's all Michael
Baldwin's fault. It is? Michael made Lowell bomb the bank and kill the
janitor? Lowell once "saved" Michael's ass and now Michael must return the
favor? How, exactly, did Lowell save Michael's ass? Okay, times up. Can't
think of a reason how it can be?
Seems Eden's mother died fifteen years ago, but from what I can tell there
was no mention from Eden of mama dying because she was a drug addict and
Lauren didn't ask. Lauren did offer to do Eden's laundry and I'll bet you
burst out laughing. When has Lauren ever dirtied her hands on dirty laundry?
Given how she dumps baby Fen on the neighbor woman, it wouldn't be far
fetched to say that woman does the Baldwin laundry too. We did confirm this
week that Eden's mother was a grad student Lowell was putting the pork to
much like Professor Gerbil porked Colleen. Don't you love Genoa City with
all its similarities such that someone found out what Lowell was doing and
ratted him out to the school Ethics Board? Wasn't it amazing that like
Gerbil, Lowell lost his job?
Don't you love that Lowell said he couldn't ditch another woman and her baby
like he ditched Gloria and baby Baldwin? Christ, it's a wonder Lowell didn't
howl, "Forgive me father, for I have sinned". Of course, with Eden being a
minor, she'll need a guardian. She can't, like Devon Hamilton, become a ward
of the state. She must be taken in by the Baldwins because if there's one
thing they need it's an angry child. Who knows? Once Eden gets past her
anger, she could become anything she wants to be, like a photographer or
artist.
The only good thing so far to come of this crisis is that Michael won't
represent his father. For that, Lowell has a hippy lawyer who calls cops
"pigs", sees Lowell as some sort of "hero", will stick it to the "man" and
if there's time the establishment too.
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