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by Brent Kellogg
Continued from previous page...
In other news, how about dizzy Ether Valentine so
happy to think that after years of being Katherine
Chancellor's slave she'll soon be related to the old
bag? Treated like a dog, there's nothing more
thrilling than licking the master's ass. When the
master barks the dog will obey as Ether will
apparently not say anything about Katherine's sudden
memory loss.
It's only been weeks since Katherine prattled on
about the book she was writing. It's been how long
since assistant Amber Moore took notes, but now
Katherine can't remember who's having her grandson's
baby. Is it Lily Winters, or Chloe Ashby? So
confused, so forgetful, Katherine ordered Ether not
to tell daughter Jill Abbott. Nor did the gotta be
eighty if she's a day Katherine say she'll seek
medical help.
That then would be this week's message to the
people. Got millions of dollars? Got something
eating away at your brain causing you to forget what
day it is? DO NOT SEEK MEDICAL HELP! Order that your
illness be kept a secret. In Genoa City that means
word will travel like wildfire, but never fear. Old
people in this city only die when it serves as a
plot device and even then return as ghosts. The only
woman to have ever had breast cancer, Ashley Abbott
survived it and while a lump was found in
Katherine's old body, a snip here, a snip there, she
was good as new. Hard to find these days, Jack
Abbott had a lump in his balls which turned out to be
pent up sperm he couldn't give away or be swiped by
his sperm-stealing, baby-killing sister.
For all their medical maladies, there is never a
concern as to how the medical bills will be paid.
Give it a few days, Katherine will probably learn
that scientists have developed a new drug that
delete bad memories, most notably when large amounts
of cash are placed directly in front of the face. A
million dollars per pill, Katherine will pop a few,
have random outbreaks of very bad jokes coupled with
an extremely combative nature and acute desire to
become women named Marge who wave their red
fingernails while promising even more super-positive
changes ahead.
Ironically, Katherine won't know until she's made a
full recovery that the drug was secretly concocted
in the bowels of Jabot Cosmetics by teams of starved
eunuchs and is widely regarded as "the bitterest
pill we've ever had to swallow". But thank God for
the "miracle", Jabot stock will soar when word gets
out that a cure for memory loss has been found and
Jabot considers changing its name to Jabot
Pharmaceuticals.
Sadly, millions of users will become horribly
addicted without the slightest understanding of
context or history, thanks to a brutally organized
marketing campaign that gets just about every aspect
of the drug's true nature incorrect with Lily
Winters as its spokesmodel whose portrait will
replace Katherine's in Jabot offices worldwide.
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