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by Brent Kellogg
October 26, 2009

It didn't last long, did it? C'mon, I know what you did. Over the weekend you bought out the local fashion magazine just as it was going to the printers, changed the context somewhat to get in a hatchet job on someone you hate, and damn the luck copies of your rag are collecting dust on the newsstands. Gosh, what did you do wrong? First off, you didn't have your non-publisher, knows little about the publishing business and nothing about journalism, brother helping out. What you should have done was what Useless Style Magazine overnight publisher/journalist Billy Abbott did. Billy took a few lessons from brother Jack Abbott and on deadline cranked out an expose on Victor Newman complete with photo in just under an hour and had time to spare before getting it to the printer.

Lesson #1: "Never reveal your sources" even if it means some judge will send your ass to rot in jail.
Lesson #2: "Don't let your emotions get involved" when in fact you are seething with hate.
Lesson #3: Don't tell the whole story especially when doing so would reveal your bias.
Lesson #4: Hire any slut that walks in off the street looking for work.

What, exactly, qualifies Sharon Collins to work at a fashion magazine? Please don't say she's a model. She's too long in the tooth to be a model. Don't say she's a journalist. We're talking about a real magazine, not some rag that closely resembles the one between her legs. When Sharon was co-owner of USM, not that she lasted there long, what exactly was it she did? Wasn't the reason Sharon asked son Noah Newman to move into the Carlton home was so she could play stay-at-home-mom to him? What the hell will Noah do when he finds out mommy is off slaving at work? Who will wipe his butt? Not that Sharon even did that. The rich in Genoa City aren't seen changing diapers.

You gotta love the gall these people have. Not once questioning who would buy a rag filled with rage and hate, Jack and Billy acted like they don't need approving subscribers/readers and advertisers. Throw some words on glossy paper and readers will trample one another to get their hands on a copy.

Lesson #5: Don't worry there's no longer an Editor-In-Chief on staff. Nikki Newman up and gone, not that she was qualified either, who is editing USM now? Chloe Abbott? Don't worry either that advertising hot shots from California and New York haven't met the new owner, questioned the rag's financial stability, or that chronologically Billy is only seventeen-years-old.

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