by Brent Kellogg Brent's morning
coffee courtesy of Speeder &
Earls, Burlington, VT.
June 5, 2008
Here it comes! The search for Sabrina Casterfate's
mother! How difficult will it be finding a woman
Sabrina hasn't heard from since age twelve when her
father died? While she was vague about what had
happened while daddy was alive such that mother
wanted nothing to do with the family subsequent to
the death, Sabrina said mommy moved away and she has
no idea where.
Rich man that he is, Victor Newman said he'd spread
a little money around and with any luck have mommy
in Genoa City in time for the wedding. Alas, Sabrina
wasn't as excited about that like she was the idea
of asking a woman who can't stand her guts to be her
matron of honor. Don't blame her too much, Sabrina
has no other qualifying candidates. Who's she gonna
ask? Jana Hawkes?
Only her private art gallery assistant, Jana appears
to be nothing more that Sabrina's gofer. Go for
this, go for that. Jana must be raking in the big
bucks, but does she have a healthcare plan? If the
remaining tumor in brain should act up, who will
Jana have to pay her medical bills now that Gloria
Bardwell is broke?
With Sabrina baby-sitting Summer Newman while
everyone was hovering briefly over Nick Newman
following the car crash he was in, why couldn't
Sabrina ask Phyllis Newman to be the matron? Because
it's much more fun getting the cold shoulder
treatment from heartless bitch Victoria Hellstrom?
Was it really necessary for Sabrina to act all
broken hearted after Victoria turned her down such
that she'd tell Adam Wilson?
Oh Adam, sob, sob, I asked Victoria to be at my
wedding and, snivel, she turned me down! I think
I'll go die.
Here I come to save the dame!
I be the great Victor Newman. Watch as I don my
tights and cape and fly to my darling's office. Tell
me darling daughter, is it true you turned Sabrina
down? Is there anything I can do to change your
mind? No? How about I take away your goddamn trust
fund? You ungrateful bitch. Who spent thousands a
few months ago to save your meaningless life? You
better have your ass at my wedding. You got that?
And I don't mean you come and lurk in the shadows
like I did at one of your weddings.
So while Victor waits for Victoria to come around,
and doesn't she always, as a token, Victor asked
Adam to be his best man.
"To be at the alter with you and Nick?" Adam
responded.
No, you fool! Victor wants you to carry his pee bag.
What do you think it means to be a best man? Have
you never been to a wedding? And what's this Nick at
the alter crap? Victor isn't marrying Nick. Why
would he be at the alter? You think they're getting
married in a church?
And who knew that Adam would be so gracious as to
take a pass out of concern that Nick might be
offended? Is Nick not already acting like his
sister? Didn't he agree today that a hatchet job
article about Sabrina shall be run in his fashion
rag, and that writer Professor Gerbil is to air any
and all dirty laundry even if it makes Victor look
bad? More on the professor in a moment, I must first
ask again, what is wrong with these people?
With Nikki Chow running around again bitching that
Victor is shutting their adult diaper-wearing
children out of his life, that the children are so
precious, and Victor reminding her for the umpteenth
time that it was the other way around, even as Nikki
knew what Nick is about to do, she had gall to lay
the guilt at Victor's feet? Nick, the little prick,
bellyaching in general about the man without whom he
wouldn't be able to play business mogul, sticks the
knife in Victor's back again? Did you catch too that
while Victoria has told Sabrina to shove it,
suddenly she's feeling bad about it even as she
knows what her brother is up to?
You might feel sorry for Victor if he wasn't such a
dick about what it means to be a family. Because
Sabrina wants to be "surrounded" by his family at
the wedding, Victor's second choice for best man is
Nick. He goes to pop the question, but running into
more of Nick's angry bullshit, doesn't ask, makes
the long I-don't-care-what-the-price-of-gas-is trip
back to the ranch and assigns the job to Adam as
though it was some business decision right after
telling Adam that the ranch is his home too and when
he's there he shouldn't be treated like an employee
even as Victor treats him like one.
Adam, being the kiss-ass, without asking if Victor
had asked Nick, moments ago having turned the job
down, says it'll be an "honor" to be at
daddy-treats-me-like-a-dog wedding.
Now, you gotta love how opportunities present
themselves in this godforsaken town.
