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by Brent Kellogg
July 9, 2008
I wasn't wrong about Neil Winters. As sure as Devon
Hamilton has "suffered" so during his short time on
Earth, there was no question but what Neil would
offer Tyra Hamilton the job of managing the Indigo
or that she'd accept. They done it for poor boy
Devon. Say, have you noticed how happy Devon is
since his kin folk have been in town? Karen Taylor
has. She told Neil for the umpteenth time today what
a "good man" he is. Wonder if Karen will say that
after Neil puts the pork to Tyra. You know it could
happen. Now all we need is for Neil to hire Cousin
It to sing at the club. But don't be looking for
Tyra to get her food handlers card and liquor
server's card.
Such things aren't needed in Genoa City. Maybe with
Tyra running the place Neil will eat breakfast at
his own place instead of the AS. There's nothing
like seeing the owner of BurgerKing eating at
McDonald's.
While it pains me to write about Lily
Winters, listening to her tell Chloe that if she
ever sees her again Chloe better "run", I thought
I'd die laughing. True, just the sight of Lily is
enough to scare the crap out of anyone, but I'm not
seeing Chloe shaking in her booty boots. That by the
way must explain why Chloe is pregnant. She's
putting out at the local USO. There's writing on
men's room walls. For a good time, call Chloe. Oh,
and don't worry guys. If your wife or girlfriends or
boyfriends find out Chloe will assure them that "no
feelings were involved" and thus sleazy sex
resulting in pregnancy is okay too as Chloe will say
Cane Ashby knocked her up. This is apparently the
message to be learned this summer by the increased
teen crowd tuning in. Get drunk, drive drunk, have
sex, do all those things your uptight parents warned
you not to do, and it's perfectly okay. Once you've
been convicted of DUI the judge may send you to
Cassie's Challenge, or to a seminar held by Daniel
Romalotti
on the dangers of drinking and driving.
Speaking of Romalotti, gay boy is back in town after
slumming with his equally gay faux father in Europe.
Okay, if Danny Romalotti isn't gay, why isn't he
married? Why hasn't he had a girlfriend since
Christine 'Bug' Blair dumped him years ago? If
Daniel was Danny's "official" photographer, and he
was, who's doing that job now? What "rock star"
concert "tour" ends after just a few weeks?
Not that there's anything wrong with being gay, I've
always maintained that if they'd just come out of
the closet I'd be happy. If like Daniel, they
wouldn't pretend to be straight, Daniel wouldn't
have to come home and the first thing he does is
attend another Jana Hawkes séance and ask that while
he was subjecting himself to disease-ridden groupies
was his girlfriend Amber looking at other guys? So
what if she did? It's not like Daniel called Amber
every day or sent email. For once, Professor Gerbil
was right when he said that Daniel's a "fool".
Creepy as Amber can be, she'd be better off without
Daniel because this boy has serious identity issues.
He's a reformed porn addict, and you know what they
say about addicts.
But no, we can't have these two freaks going their
separate ways. There's got to be a long, convoluted,
let's talk about our problems on a radio show so
that all the world might know how totally
dysfunctional we are. There's got to be Daniel
returning and knowing where to find Amber based on
what he called "process of elimination" and bringing
with him a sketchpad on which he drew the likeness
of places he visited while on tour. Not that he's
ever shown any talent when it comes to drawing,
Daniel must have learned how to sketch faster than
he learned how to become a professional photographer
such that Danny would appoint him tour photographer
and his mother would hire him as a one-hour photo
clerk at Restless Style.
Amber was so thrilled that Daniel done the sketching
just for her she nearly wet her panties, speaking of
which, after seeing Daniel's red panties, no matter
that he apparently had sex with Amber without taking
a shower first after a long flight, I rest my case.
Real men don't wear red underwear. Speaking of
which, thanks to the reader who told me what that
thing was Phyllis Newman found that Amber left
behind at the magazine. I thought they were panties,
but have since learned they didn't actually touch
Amber's love tunnel. Still, I wouldn't want to touch
anything Amber wore next to her skin.
And how about the Jitter Joint closing down for a
private party? With StarBucks closing 600 stores,
business must be good for Kevin Fisher. You think
manager Jana gave employees the night off with pay?
Pity the fools who came by for lattes only to find
the place closed. What about that "rare" Ouija board
Kevin says he purchased in Dublin for Jana, paid a
"fortune" for, and the subsequent séance confirming
that Kevin was telling the truth, Daniel didn't look
at other girls while he was gone, and Amber didn't
either? I've been known to be wrong, but aren't
Ouija boards used for communicating with the dead?
Or was that exactly what we witnessed? The dead
talking with the dead.
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