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by Brent Kellogg
August 28, 2009

Another week in Genoa City comes to an end and what did we learn? That it's okay to cheat on your husband, but not okay for him to cheat on you. That there are two types of justice in this city. Oops, we already knew that. That you can get hit by a car while a pedestrian on the main road in and out of the Newman Ponderosa, that with so many people and going, not one will see you laying alongside the roadway. Furthermore, you can, while injured, crawl and claw your way in the mud to safety and all the while it will take at least a week before a single member of your loving family notices you haven't checked in. Even your so-called best friend won't think it odd she hasn't heard from you.

You can too, while being despised by the great Victor Newman, come and go from the Ponderosa at will. While there, if the doorbell rings you may feel free to answer the door and invite whomever in. You can be thrown off the Ponderosa a number of times and it means nothing as said to be crawling with security guards never question why you're back again presumably because the man of the house didn't put your name on his blacklist. If you're too busy to show who you let in out, the owner will instruct his blind son to show him/her out and not a word of this anomaly will be questioned.

If your sister happens to be the resident nut job, if she claims to be pregnant and you can't see that she's with child, never fear. If said sister won't leave her husband as you've demanded, call one of any number of judges in your pocket or otherwise arrange that a court-ordered psychiatric exam be conducted. If sister objects an hour later when you've obtained the order, throw a hissy fit. Tell sister it's killing you watching her decline and learning that she talks with the dead do not confuse this with when you talk to the dead. There is always the do as I say, not as I do, policy to fall back on.

If your sister happens to be crazy, if she's been in and out of the Ponderosa more often than its owner, if she's murdered the family pet and done harm to others such that the entire city seems to be living in fear of her striking again, if she's kidnapped you at knife point, because family always takes precedent, do not hesitate to seek help for her. Find a friendly church and seek sanctuary. If your traveling freak show godly brother isn't around, say he was called out of town suddenly before going on "live" TV to plea for sister's freedom. Don't worry either if there's more important news to be covered, the local TV station will break into breaking news if it has to in order to break your news.

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