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Commentary by Brent Kellogg

August 25, 2009

All it took to make PI Paul Williams realize that Mary Jane Benson is his crazy sister was to look at the back of her head. Really? Really, and then he followed her up a flight of Athletic Supporter Hotel stairs to her room? Really. And all the while sidekick J.T. Hellstrom waited below. Really? And then Paul tried to call the cops but stopped when she confessed to being Patty, his sister. Really now.

And when Paul didn't return J.T. got nervous and had to "trace" his steps to the room which he was able to get into because the door wasn't locked, or he used his lock picking tools, or the management let him in on the promise of a warrant? So the story goes that J.T. will spot the obvious signs of a struggle and because he's such a wimpy PI Paul will have been taken hostage by Patty and out of the massive complex that the AS is without being seen.

Only one thing for J.T. to do - call the cops! If only 20-something-year-old detective Chancellor was waiting for the call. GCPD. Is that you J.T.? Paul went missing? What 'cho mean missing? Isn't Sheila Carter dead? You mean there's another loony running around Genoa City besides Sharon Collins and, well, does Ashley Newman count? Yeah, we've got a team out there looking for Miss Kitty, but I thought Mr. Newman's would find her. His security team! Didn't you know? No worries, we'll get someone on the case. Ah, you might not want to wait for us to show up until just seconds after you save Paul. Bye - oh wait! I saw you on Nip/Tuck. Man, you got one hot body. I was thinking... when this is over... maybe you and me... how 'bout it?

Behind the wheel of his Hugo, Paul pulls over to argue with his captor and she cuts him with a knife. Not a life-threatening wound, Patty gives up the blade and this - are you ready - is considered "family bonding"! I shit you not, the actress playing the role of Patty actually said, "There's some family bonding there."

Now why didn't we know that? Go get your spouse or significant other right now and cut his/her ass. When he/she looks at you with wounded eyes tell him/her you saw it on TV. It's how families bond!

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