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by Brent Kellogg
Brent's morning
coffee courtesy of Speeder &
Earls, Burlington, VT.
August 27, 2008
Let's say you're in the magazine business with your former husband/wife.
Let's say one of those partners wrote a scathing article about your father's
wife and is now planning to publish another scathing article about you and
your spouse? Wouldn't you have thrown in the towel by now? Wouldn't your
partnership agreement have been written by a real lawyer and have an escape
clause so that if you wanted out you could get out?
Then why in the hell are Nick and Phyllis Newman sticking around Useless
Style Magazine? Why must this moronic feud continue? Because it sells
magazines? Are these rich people that greedy? Is it true that Jack Abbott
will tell partner Nick that his father is better than Nick's father? How old
are these boys? Ten?
Let's go to the videotape.
Who's that in prison? Why, it's John 'Yawn' Abbott.
So much for Jack's daddy being the better man, let's look at rocks for a
brain Sharon Abbott. She spies the article and jumps to the conclusion that
Phyllis is the main instigator? Phyllis admits as much and so Jack and
Sharon conclude that Phyllis is "crazy"? What's crazy about it that wasn't
as crazy as when Jack went behind their backs to get the Sabrina Newman
article published?
Turns out the logic, that Phyllis is loopy because she'd use USM to air the
partner's dirty laundry, is logical. Jack and Sharon, after consulting with
Neil Winters, will agree to keep the feud going because sleaze sells! Oh
sure, Sharon will say they shouldn't, but she always does what Jack says.
One need only go to the videotape for proof. Sharon made Jack promise that
Gloria Bardwell would be out of the Abbott mansion/estate before son Noah
Newman returned from Rapid Aging School. Noah is back, but Gloria hasn't
gone anywhere and is in fact having the mansion remodeled.
And so, with the news that Victor is presumed dead, with a death certificate
issued and a memorial service to be held, Sharon will consider writing an
article about the great man because, well, what'd you expect in a fashion
magazine? What'd you expect from a box of rocks who has trouble writing her
own name much less an article? What would you expect when fifteen-year-old
Noah blows into the magazine carrying a skateboard and immediately Phyllis
panics that Noah must be told about Grandpa before he reads about it on the
Internet? Wouldn't he be more apt to hear about it during the TV interview
Jack gave to some TV station?
With just about everyone knowing by now that Nick and his mother are
returning from Mexico after being unable to identify the body that washed
ashore as Victor's, can you imagine that during at least two calls home Nick
hasn't asked about his daughter, but keeps asking about Noah? Can you fathom
that waiting for the plane to takeoff Nick would fall asleep and Nikki Chow
would leave him a note that she's staying in Mexico? Did she hear a song
over the plane's PA system? What could it have been? Vikki Carr singing It
Must Be Him? Consider the lyrics:
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