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by Brent Kellogg
 

Continued from previous page...

And because everything happening in this whacked out city is about "family", the Family of the Month award goes to the Winters clan. Oh the things they'll do for Sister It. Like letting her move in with brother Devon. Is there not something creepy about this? When Devon said today that he's always wanted a younger sister, did you flashback to when he told Neil Winters that he had sexual feelings for Lily Winters? Did Neil not say at first it was normal?

Will the adults really allow a 12-year-old girl to live with her 20-year-old brother where the brother allegedly has sex with the rent-a-girlfriend named Roxanne? We know Kevin Fisher was a pedophile, but damn, will incest become the Disease of the Year? I'm still trying to figure out why Noah Newman would tell Daniel that Amber is a better female catch than Colleen. Not because everyone knows Colleen is a screeching blowup doll, but because I don't recall that Noah knows who Amber is outside her employment at Useless Style Magazine.

As I wrote earlier this week, Michael Baldwin can sputter all he wants about never seeing Lowell Baldwin again, but he will. The saga nobody cares about moves front and center. Michael will learn that daddy isn't such a bad guy after all. Sure, Lowell is wanted for murder, but who in this town isn't, or hasn't, and have their ways to elude Justices' long arm? Shall we name a few? Michael's mother? His wife? Jana Hawkes? Phyllis Newman? Brad Carlton? Conspirators Paul Williams and J.T. Hellstrom and PI Paul? The FBI's Most Wanted list could easily be made up of these gangsters alone.

The bigger, more important yarn would seem to be Jack and Sharon Abbott's marriage. We already know what a box of rocks Sharon is, but wait until they see the new issue of Useless Style. There's an article in there about "The Real Jack Abbott" which the Abbotts suspect was written by a seeking revenge Nick. The article not a 4-way partner buster, the article written by Phyllis about the magazine's infighting might destroy USM until Jack remembers - sleaze sells.

When readers open a fashion mag expecting to learn about the latest fashions and find sleaze, they buy more. They tell their friends and soon sales are booming. So what if the article reveals Sharon as a slut? She is a slut. Those aspiring to be sluts could learn a lot from Sharon.

It's ludicrous to think the Press might be interested in such bullshit, but - altogether class - where are we?

Jack will milk the magazine's infighting for all it's worth. He will suggest to Sharon that she write an article about Victor. Surely readers will want to know when she shoved her tongue down Victor's throat and wanted to have sex with her father-in-law.

It's been a long time blossoming, but the Nick and Sharon are hot for each other again bank vault story, pardon the pun, comes full circle when Phyllis overhears the two having phone sex. Predictably, Phyllis will tell Sharon to stay away from her man. Then the so-called men, Jack and Nick will compare penis lengths. They'll nearly come to, um, blows when they realize neither of them has a penis to brag about until Sharon jumps in to say Nick is bigger.

Oh lord, Jack will feel so small. He might even have a remote-controlled, robotic penis installed. Sharon no longer wants him? All that hot sex they had? All those times he showed Sharon that a man twice her age can still get an erection? What will become of them? What will become of you? Will all this edge of your seat intrigue cause your head to explode?

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