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by Brent Kellogg
Brent's morning
coffee courtesy of Speeder &
Earls, Burlington, VT.
August 7, 2008
I would have written more about what happened in
Genoa City today, but I've been busy. I've been
composing music and singing badly written songs with
my 12-year-old cousin who, please don't tell anyone,
I'm becoming attracted to. Ana is a budding
financial genius. While I think of conducting the
New York Philharmonic, Ana thinks of making
thousands off the first song we publish. Hey,
if Restless Style can start out as a fashion
magazine and succeed as a tabloid, anything is
possible.
You may not have heard that following the success of
a scandal written about the deceased Sabrina Newman,
RSM will consider publishing an expose on Jill
Abbott as proposed by the sleazy Brad Carlton. It
makes perfect sense because Jill is a fashion icon
and RSM would risk losing another major advertiser,
Jabot Cosmetics. Brad's juicy past, his killing of
two men which to this day remains a secret thanks to
conspirators PI Paul 'Clueless' Williams and J.T.
Hellstrom, is not something RSM readers could sink
their teeth into. With the departure of Professor
Gerbil, whose book detailing Brad's ugly past was
banned from publication, Brad has no fear that what
goes around will come around.
In a related development, Jill's past is coming back
to haunt her in the form of Billy Abbott. Billy's
coming back might not be such a bad thing because
who among us wouldn't like to know how he got the
Miami Mob off his back? It might be interesting to
know too if Billy kicked his gambling habit and if
not if he'll be ostracized like David Chow was when it was learned David had a
gambling habit. The do-gooders could always blame Billy for the other
unsolved murders in Genoa City.
But the return of Mac Browning, now that's got to be
creepy because Mac and Billy are cousins who married
and had to be broken up before they consummated the
marriage. Not that closet gay Billy would have been
able to cut the mustard, the thing about Mac is that
she ran her own mother, Amanda Hunnicutt, out of
town. To atone for her sins, Mac went to an Indian
reservation to teach children the White Man's way.
Then she heard the whispering pines calling her back
to Genoa City and then she fell off the edge of the
world.
If anyone comes back, let it be Noah Newman. We've
heard, but can't confirm, that at the Rapid Aging
Summer Camp he's attending, Noah has come out of the
closet. He's come to accept that spending all those
nights with his friend Sam wasn't because he wanted
to get away from his lunatic parents. If it's true,
Noah could be Genoa City's first openly gay person,
guys like the occasional party planners and interior
decorators notwithstanding. And yes, that would be a
good thing. This city has been too straight for too
long. Forget the who's the daddy stories, let's see
how gays are discriminated against. Let the
homophobia begin!
Speaking of babies, I asked in a recent daze report
how it can be proved that Cane Ashby is the father
of Chloe Mitchell's alleged baby while the baby
remains in Chloe's belly - if at all. I've been told
that no reputable doctor would dare an attempt at
withdrawing DNA from the fetus. Today we found out
how it's done. First, you look on the Internet for a
DNA lab that will come to your home and take the
samples. For an extra fee, you can get rush service.
The woman being tested must have her blood drawn,
but the man need only give a sample of his spit.
Depending on the lab, the DNA collected is then
tested to see if the baby's DNA is mixing with the
woman's. If it is, then a determination is made to
see if the man can be ruled out as the father. By
the way, in the case of the lab Cane hired, there is
a 100-percent accuracy rate. Now, in a couple of
days, the results will be in.
Crazy, you say?
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