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by Brent Kellogg
November 2, 2009

Still fuming, I'm wondering if you were equally outraged last week when Phyllis Newman told that queer she's married to, and that would be queer as in Nick Newman being a strange duck if there ever was one, it was time to get their daughter some "sugar". Sugar, as in rots your teeth and causes obesity and diabetes, candy and soda pop and candied apples bobbed for at harvest fairs. Sadly, in today's ignorance epidemic, uneducated, misinformed, scared of science and don't believe there's anything wrong with consuming high fructose corn syrup and pure sugar when it's available, Halloween is a time for parents like Nick and Phyllis to feed their kids as much of it as possible and then joke about any resulting rotten teeth.

Easy for the rich Newman's to laugh off, they've got money for dental care. They won't have kids like yours truly who at the age of ten had a hole between his two front teeth. Adults in charge of my care thought it was cute that I could shoot spit through the hole like so many of my male friends with equally ignorant caretakers. It was, back then among the not so rich dairy farmers, taken for granted that everyone in the family would have false teeth by the time they hit thirty. Thanks only to a cousin who saw what was happening to my teeth and had the guts to tell my caretakers to take me to a dentist were my front teeth saved. Despite the concern, I was still allowed to eat candy and on my cornflakes each morning there was plenty of sugar. Banana, that was different. Was I not aware that fruit was a luxury? Where did I think I was, rubbing elbows with the rich folks in Genoa City?

The tirade almost over, has anyone ever in their life seen a princess with wings? Have we not heard enough of Victor Newman saying, at his age, that once his healing process has been sped along at a cardiac rehab center in Belgium he'll be back stronger than ever? Does gramps really want to be telling his still in grade school, probably hasn't had her period yet, daughter that one day he'll be holding her baby? Speaking of periods, why aren't young girls patted on the head and praised in this city when they get theirs? Isn't that something mothers are proud of?

And for God's sake, why must adult children be called together to be told that mommy and daddy are back together and heading for Belgium? What if Nick and his man-like sister don't approve? Why, given she's a daughter too, wasn't Abby at this meeting? Why was she the last to know, and then only because Abby had heard Victor telling that bitch he's still legally married to that rumors of his impending departure were true. Better yet, how will Abby go about telling her new sister, who really isn't her sister, what love is about? How do you tell anyone what love is? When's a good time for that? Next month when baby Faith Newman is five? When she's found out that her so-called mother stole her right out of her real mother's womb?

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