Flashback - April 2004

Week of April 26, 2004

Afraid of being confined Kevin Fisher pulled a knife when the cops tried arresting him at Fenmore's Little Shop of Horrors but was easily talked into dropping it when Michael Baldwin arrived to say jail wasn't so bad. Baldwin rushed off to tell Christine 'Bug' Blair that his brother had been arrested and wanted her to get the trial date moved up. The moment the door slammed behind Kevin one of the fish recognized him as a "predator" and as others joined in a blanket party ensued. When it was over Kevin was but a motionless pile on the floor.

In a desperate need to make a name for herself within the cosmetics world Dru Winters was determined to get her hands on the secret hair straightening formula so she could show everyone it really worked. Meanwhile, Dru's husband was sure he had proof to show Kevin was innocent of trying to kill Brittany Hodges, but Dru wasn't interested in justice. She wanted Kevin behind bars. She didn't care about the moral issues.

And then there was poor Lily Winters. So confused, Lily couldn't focus on her homework. Everything reminded her of what Kevin did especially when she was studying STDs in Health class. Lily's pain was Dru's salvation. There was no doubt now that Kevin, "that animal" belonged in a cage.

As for Brittany she wanted to resume her singing career at the local strip club. Her boyfriend, Raul Guittierez wanted her to sing at the Newman Jitter Joint's Open Microphone Night where he was sure she'd be discovered like J.T. Hellstrom had. While she was waiting for stardom Raul wanted Brittany to work there as a hostess introducing other acts.

To celebrate Brittany's return Bobby Marsino changed the name of his female meat market to a cabaret named 'Marilyn' and Bobby's mob pals weren't happy about it. Before Brittany sang that night her park pal, Rose, wandered in to asked who the hell Marilyn was. Brittany explained it was her stage name and then asked if Rose had ever heard of Danny Romalotti who was in the audience.

"He was huge!" Rose exclaimed, like so many others who would have been hard-pressed to remember the aging rocker. After her performance and despite most paying customers had wanted to see girls stripping, everyone clapped for Brittany.

Sneaking into the Jabot Lab late at night Phyllis Summers didn't have to worry about alarms or security. After some looking around she found the top secret hair straightening product in plain sight in two blue bottles. Scooping one up she was about to leave when Jack Abbott strolled in. Jack thought nothing strange about Phyllis being there. In fact, he thought she was merely waiting around for her new boy toy, Damon Porter. While Jack had been the one who had done everything to chase Phyllis out of their marriage he accused her of mourning only ten minutes when it ended. Not that Phyllis was to blame. Victor Newman got that honor. Always blaming someone else Jack told Phyllis to get out of the lab and not come back without checking with him first.

Finding Damon at his opium pad later Phyllis told how she'd tried to rip-off the formula. Damon said it was just as well because getting government approval for a hair straightening product could take months or years. Still, if they stole the formula they could be rich.

Later that night Dru showed up at the lab to find Damon packing. He'd decided to quit without notice and planned to take the formula with him. When Damon wasn't looking Dru took one of the vials. As for how Dru knew Damon would be at the lab at that hour Dru said her secretary had called to alert her as if Dru had a secretary and as if any secretary of Dru's would have been keeping tabs on, or known where Damon was going at that hour or as if to say Jabot secretaries always work late when they're never at their desks.

Dru rushed home and was about to test the formula on her own hair when Dr. Olivia Winters arrived to warn her not to. Apparently, Dru had called dear sister after leaving the lab. Dru said she had to. She had to save her job and Jabot. As the girls were squabbling over the vial Damon and Phyllis discovered the rip-off. They rushed to the Winters' box only to leave when Dru threatened to call the cops. Alone at last Dru poured the gunk on her hair. The next morning clumps of hair were falling off her head. See also: Who Buys This Crap?

Also on the business scene young Nick Newman was worried his father planned to replace him as CEO with Neil Winters and said he'd read in the paper that Cameron Kirsten was alive. The article told of an FCC probe in Kirsten's business practices which explained why Kirsten had gone missing.

At High Noon Victor Newman called his clan together including the Carltons to tell them he wanted to settle with the Abbotts, had a plan for the CEO position at Newman Enterprises and that he wanted an active role in his new daughter's life.

Intruder Caught in Jabot Lab
April 26, 2004

by Brent Kellogg

Genoa City, Wisconsin. What a place. Friendly sex shops. Fenmore's Little Shop of Horrors. The Newman Jitter Joint. Green parks where homeless freaks wait for scraps from the rich passerby. Fancy all-everything restaurants. Superlative tattoo artists. Great weather. Toxic personal grooming products. SUVs. Oreo-eating teens. Things that make you gag.

You'd think that with all the most open-minded convoluted messed-up things this modern metropolis has to offer the local cosmetics company could afford some decent security. You'd think that something so important to the future of Jabot Cosmetics would be locked in a vault with at least two armed guards posted 24/7 so that even James Bond couldn't get to them. Yes, we'd be talking about the two vials of "synthesized prototype" concocted by Jabot lab rat Damon Porter. Of such importance this toxic substance, it was left in a storage cabinet for anyone to simply walk off with. This, even after the orchid plants from which the substance was derived had been stolen just weeks previously.

So outrageous as to make you say, oh my God, kill me now, I mean just look what Phyllis Abbott is doing. No matter that she didn't get away with the goods, this week Monday may go down as one of those defining moments in Genoa City. It hearkens back to Jack Abbott and Nikki Newman's breaking and entering the Robertson Lab late at night completely undetected even with Abbott's cellphone ringing. Late at night there were no alarms set or motion detectors to alert security that someone was monkeying around where valuable Genoa City sperm is held.

It was the same smell when Mrs. Abbott calmly walked into the Jabot lab. No security at the front door to ask why the CEO's soon to be ex-wife was entering. No memo written to the head of security that Mrs. Abbott should be announced should she attempt to enter the building and under no circumstances was she to enter late at night.

Nor is there an additional security system to pass through should the first fail. Need to gain access to the Jabot Lab? Just wait until dark and then make yourself to home.

And how lucky was it for Jabot that Jack Abbott was apparently so bored he went down into the dungeon before leaving work and upon finding his wife did not ask, "What are you doing here?" Isn't this the cliché that is regurgitated over and over for no reason but when there is a reason not uttered?

Is Abbott really so stupid he allows his employee and estranged wife to rendezvous right under his nose, right there in the lab for late night sex? For this is what he thought. He thought Damon Porter was going to crawl out of a beaker and maybe say "excuse me boss, but your wife and I want to have sex. Please come back another time."

It was a delicious and heartwarming historic spectacle indeed, and there was simply no way for any person of any elevated consciousness to witness the apparently brain dead Jack and not be deeply moved by his lack of concern.

It was a situation which would have required appalling nerve for Jack to march up to Phyllis and say, "What the hell are you doing near our secret weapon? Why in hell isn't this stuff kept in a vault?"

You had to be there to feel the intense emotional energy. It was simply irrefutable: This is Jackie. So in love with Phyllis he porked Diane Jenkins. This is Phyllis. So in love with Jackie she couldn't wait to jump in bed with Damon. This is Damon. So loyal to his employer he had sex with the boss' wife yet gets to keep his job.

But here's the best part: Instead of being the least bit suspicious or repulsed Jack merely told Phyllis to call ahead next time. How nice.

It was, more than anything, another incredible blunder we've come to accept. Like Sierra NoLastName's baby fat. Like Raul Guittierez's monumental foresight to further his girlfriend's singing career by arranging to have her host OPEN MIKE NIGHT at the Newman Jitter Joint.

In a city full of leeches and flying bugs and scary sex acts where all sorts of illicit disgusting behaviors are condoned, what were we to expect? That Jack might see what Phyllis was up to? That he might say, "You know, we've really go to do something about security around here. The place is becoming like Logan International Airport. Take that list of passwords off the wall. Prevent Victor Newman from just waltzing in here whenever he feels like it. Does anyone know where we can buy a good alarm system, cheap? Is that private investigator still selling them on the side?"

This, then, is why Genoa City has slapped itself back to the basement of subhuman intellect, where it belongs. If Phyllis doesn't make off with the toxic chemicals Dru Winters will. The cosmetics war is far from over. There is much ignorance yet to be spewed, careers at stake. Security nonexistent.

Week of April 18, 2004

This Way to New Rock Star!
Originally published on April 15, 2004

How do they do it? How do people living in Genoa City manage to find the exact location of persons traveling around Los Angeles but they can't find missing persons like Victoria Newman or Nate Hastings? Do some of those who've left town strap GPS units to their chests? Is this how Colleen Carlton was able to blow into LAX this week and within minutes determine exactly where J.T. Hellstrom was holding a news conference? Was there some guy standing at the airport holding a sign THIS WAY TO NEWEST ROCK STAR J.T. HELLSTROM when Carlton debarked the plane?

Was this the same Carlton who took off for the airport on a whim to catch a We Fly You Anywhere Air flight leaving in about an hour saying her parents wouldn't mind and later told her Oreo-eating pal that she had called her father and told the lie that she was staying at Sierra NoLastName's home for a few days and that Brad Carlton had said it was for the best given her step-mother's baby dilemma?

Was this the same Carlton who told her pal that should daddy call checking up on her to have him call her cell phone? Shouldn't John 'Yawn' Abbott be checking on his granddaughter's whereabouts? There was a time when the old geezer didn't trust Brad to raise Colleen properly, followed her around, and wanted to know when she pottied.

Just who is paying Colleen's phone bill? Who pays the roaming charges? Who pays for the credit card she uses and won't that person notice the $200+ airline charge? It's not like Carlton is paying these bills because she doesn't have a job. And no teenage girl gets an allowance big enough to cover the expenses this kid racks up.

How was it that Colleen managed to find where Hellstrom was holding a news conference and just what reporter would be interested in a nobody? How was Colleen able to appear at said conference at the exact moment Hellstrom was saying he doesn't date and why would this come as a shock to Colleen as it did? Hasn't she considered her relationship with the hunkmonkey beyond the dating stage? Wouldn't a mentally competent person have waited for an explanation before bursting out bawling?

Best of all how about Colleen's statement that she doesn't like lying to her father, and that pig-like porker NoLastName telling Colleen not to worry, she'd cover the lie up?

Aren't they just the sweetest little village idiots you ever did see? With their lies and deception do they not qualify to run a government? Does Colleen forget that her father told her she better play straight with him where the hunkmonkey is concerned or he'd pull the love rug right out from under her?

Granted, Colleen's about to crash and burn. But good god! Why can't it happen without all the incredibility? Why can't Hellstrom just return as this new overnight rock sensation, tell Colleen he now realizes how old he is and that as a rocker it wouldn't bode well for his image to be seen with a minor child. People might talk: people might ruin his career. Time to part ways kiddo. Take it like a woman, Colleen. There, there. That wasn't so bad. Was it?

Meanwhile, Colleen's step-mommy Ashley was yapping that telling the truth doesn't always set one free. Here she went and confessed to Victor Newman that she'd stolen his sperm and had a baby and he was mad. "I thought Victor would move on with his life and leave us in peace," she actually said.

That same day new rock star J.T. Hellstrom returned from Los Angeles too. At the sugar shack shared with Brittany Hodges and Raul Guittierez he crowed about all the stars he'd seen mingling around in smog city. Raul said he'd seen one too right in Genoa City. Old rocker Danny Romalotti was on his way over as they spoke to give Brittany's sour soul a boost. Hellstrom thought that was just the greatest. Although he must have been ten during Romalotti's hay day J.T. remembered when Romalotti was "huge".

Brittany was alone when Danny arrived. Opening the door for a total stranger she asked if Danny was really a rock star and whether Raul had told him not to look at her ugly face. "Coming here was my idea" Danny lied totally ignoring her facial question. After a pointless chat about the ups and downs of a music career Danny was gone.

Moments later strip club owner Bobby Marsino stopped by. When Brittany said she now wanted to go back to singing Bobby thought it was thanks to all his pestering. But Brittany said no. Danny had convinced her. "The rock and roll star?" Bobby asked. Brittany said, yeah. Danny had told her to "move on" and that's what she planned on doing. A day later Brittany was ready to sing when her retarded friend Rose stopped by the shack to say, "You have to move on with your life."

At the Newman Jitter Joint Sierra NoLastName couldn't understand why her pal looked so glum. As Colleen whined J.T. walked up to say he had recorded a hit single in LA. Colleen couldn't wait to hear it on the radio but the thought of losing J.T. to rockdom so overwhelmed her she stormed off leaving a confused J.T. alone to chat with Shiloh NoLastName who had just come all the way from LA to show J.T. a copy of his hit on DVD. Shiloh also made it clear. Colleen is a kid. With J.T. spending more time in LA and on the road he'd have to face the music by kicking Colleen.

Following her trek into the sewer Nikki Newman said she had to throw away the expensive evening gown she wore that night because the stench was so bad. Now that her daughter-in-law had seen with her own eyes that Cameron Kirsten was dead Nikki wanted Sharon Newman to seek therapy.

"You've got to put your life back together," she said, as if Sharon could just go on like nothing had happened. In fact, Nikki said she was praying everything would turn out okay. Then, as if the rocks in her head were making so much noise she hadn't heard a word, Sharon said, "I need to put this behind me and move on with my life."

Out at the Chancellor Mausoleum Katherine Sterling was surprised to see her long-lost granddaughter. Mac Browning said she'd come back to Genoa City just for a visit and after agreeing with Katherine that they have both "moved on" with their lives blamed Jill Abbott for causing Katherine's drinking problem. Katherine was taken aback. How did Mac know she was drinking?

"I could smell it on your breath," Mac said, which was so strange given that vodka is odorless, but then not so strange given that Mac once smoked odorless pot at Walnut Groove Academy.

Jill interrupted the conversation with a gift for Katherine from Fenmore's Department Store. Since the store keeps dress sizes on file she had been able to buy the old woman an English riding outfit. They'd hit the horse trails first thing in the morning as Genoa City's new mother/daughter riding team. But when Jill smelled the booze too (even though Katherine had just popped a breath mint) Jill began calling Katherine a hopeless drunk. In the kitchen stuffing a sandwich down her throat Mac returned to tell Katherine she wouldn't have to worry about Jill ever again. As of right then Katherine was to think of Mac as "your guardian angel".

On the business front Vanessa Lerner was a force to be reckoned with. She had in her possession the silver bullet that could make or break Newman Enterprises and Neil Winters wanted acting CEO Nick Newman to move on Vanessa's demand for a cut of the action. Nick was worried about other things. If his sister didn't come home soon and start running the Rash & Sassy Cosmetics Division Nick would shut it down. Neil didn't think Nick's daddy would go along with that idea and told Nick that he, Neil Winters, was on the short list of those in line to replace him. It made perfect sense because as Neil put it, "I'm more determined and better educated that you are."

Meantime Victor had been assigned a new probation officer by Judge Billington and Lorena Davis didn't like Victor's plan to use the $75 million settlement money Jack Abbott had turned down to compensate employees at Jabot Cosmetics or that Victor wanted to build a daycare center at Jabot. But when Victor said he'd relinquish his position at NE for a year Davis relented.

Victor scurried to the office where he told Nick that a new interim CEO would be appointed within a week. During that time he expected goofy to hold down the fort. Nick blew up. He told Victor to take his job and shove it. Victor bellowed. If Nick walked out now he'd never be part of the company again.

Across town Jabot's top lab rat was telling Ashley, "I don't have a family of my own" and found it homey that she was gawking at a photo of Abby Carlton when he'd walked in. Damon Porter also wanted it known he didn't appreciate Ashley having shut down the magic orchid project. For all his hot air Damon was shooed away when Jack arrived to tell him no means no. The orchid project was dead just like the orchids which had died months earlier.

Hank Weber had a warrant for Kevin Fisher's arrest. The charge: jumping bail. Back from Detroit Kevin had gone straight to Fenmore's entered the little shop of horrors without being seen and waited in a dressing room until closing where Lauren found him. Kevin whined. His dad, Terrible Tom, kept him locked in the closet as a kid. That's why he ran. The prospect of going to jail was more than he could stand. This was the final good-bye. He didn't know where, he didn't know how, but Kevin was leaving town again. But as he was about to leave police stormed the place.

Week of April 12, 2004

Hate, Hypocrisy, Noise Pollution & the High Cost Cost of Lattes
April 12, 2004

By Michael Kelly

What's the world coming to when elitist, "slacka" teenagers can't enjoy their $5 designer coffees in peace while hanging out at the Newman Java Hut without having to witness two supposedly grown men like barrister Michael Baldwin and inept investigator Paul "Clueless" Williams playing whose salami is bigger by puffing out their chests and braying and snorting like barnyard beasts on crack over the fate of alleged statutory rapist and arsonist Kevin Fisher?

Before unexpectedly meeting up with Williams at the Newman Jitter Joint on Monday, Baldwin and Little Shop of Horrors owner Lauren Fenmore were having a difference of opinion about whether Baldwin's half-brother Kevin Fisher had been truthful when he confessed his guilt to Fenmore.

Fenmore said Fisher reeked of pride when he told of having surfed the Internet looking for young girls he'd like to have sex with or burn to a crisp in toxic restaurant fires. But Baldwin said his brother's boasting was typical of the tortured mind looking for fifteen minutes of fame. By confessing, Fisher was trying to prove he's a real "junkyard dog" thereby impressing Fenmore with whom he had fallen in love.

Their differences aside Baldwin suggested his brother's guilt or innocence should be decided by his peers. A trial by jury is, after all, the American way. And if that pus-head PI had paying clients to service he wouldn't have had the time to hound Fisher 24/7 and cause him to go on the run.

An indignant Fenmore was appalled. Why blame Williams for Fisher's predicament?

His ears burning, Williams slinked over to ask why they were back-stabbing him. Wasn't the reason Baldwin spent time in prison due to his inability to behave in front of ladies? Wasn't Baldwin a scum? A convicted felon cut from the same cloth as that no-account Fisher?

"I've paid my debt to society. Where's your certificate of perfection. How do you justify your existence on the planet?" Baldwin bellowed, who should have but didn't remind the horrendously hypocritical, self-righteous prig and pig-man Williams, "Listen up, chump. You've no right to look down on anyone else. You abandoned both your children like a bad habit, cheated on wife 4 with wife 3 and even decked wife 4 in a moment of misplaced machismo. Hey, does Lauren know you raped the blessed Bug on the night of your son's christening?"

Baldwin also should have pointed out to the defective detective that by allowing Fenmore to date Fisher while doing nothing to protect her and by foolishly confronting Fisher about his confession to Fenmore, the incompetent clod twice put his former wife and current mattress partner's physical safety at risk only to have Williams bellow back that he has been doing his civic duty by doing everything imaginable to put Fisher behind bars "where he belongs".

With coffee shop patrons beginning to rubberneck, Fenmore joined the fray. Like a rabid turtle, she snapped that the only important item on the agenda was whether or not Williams would squeal to the cops that Fisher had jumped bail. From what she knew he hadn't, but that he could at any time thereby ruining the best laid plans of mice and morons to find Fisher, bring him back to Genoa City in time for a not yet scheduled preliminary hearing and maybe in the process actually go to a bails bondsman to ask if they received the $100,000 check she mailed in.

Trying to be heard above the others, Williams howled madly. Telling the cops would put his lover in jeopardy, reduce the time she'd have to give him sex in the window of her trinket shop and above all else might expose him for the clueless boob he is. As for helping find Fisher, Williams said no. It would take a magician to think long and hard that the first place Fisher might go is to his mother's home in Detroit. "I'm a PI not a magician," Williams said, as if to convince himself.

Just as Jitter Joint patrons were about to line up to complain and ask if just once they couldn't enjoy their expensive coffee in peace without some idiot making a scene, Baldwin and Fenmore left.

A JJ management spokesman told the GCN that even if complaints about the noise had been lodged it wouldn't have mattered. Said manager "Trevor" who declined to give his full name, "This shop has no policy regarding patron outbursts. I've been trying to get the owners to make one, but they never come around anymore."

Trevor also blamed the price increase of lattes from $4 to $5 on the higher cost of milk.

WEEKLY RECAP OF EVENTS:

Nikki Newman and Brad Carlton couldn't stop their - what will become of us if Victor Newman finds out Ashley Carlton stole his sperm - worry fest. They went on and on about how a bond between Abby Carlton and her biological father would play out. Brad was pissed because he had once again caught his wife in a lie but flicked it off as "what's done is done" and said that despite what an evil bitch Ashley is, "I love Ashley with all my heart."

Meanwhile Ashley was trying to tell Victor that she did what she did in the name of love. "My biological clock was ticking and I wanted a baby," she oozed, showing no concern for Victor's feelings. Amazingly, Ashley also said she'd had a paternity test so there was no doubt Abby carries the Newman genes.

It was the best question Michael Baldwin had ever asked of Paul 'Clueless' Williams. "How do you justify your existence on the planet?" The PI had been hounding his brother so much Baldwin suspected Clueless didn't have any paying clients. Clueless had a good excuse. He had to put Kevin Fisher behind bars. Kevin was "sick" and it was his duty to God - or someone - to set the record straight.

For all his scare tactics the only thing it got Clueless was that now Kevin had jumped bail and stuck Lauren Fenmore with $100,000. Asked why he hadn't been able to locate Kevin Clueless said, "I'm a PI not a magician."

Meantime, the PI Neil Winters had hired to spy on Kevin was reporting that what Kevin had done on the Internet was "normal" and he didn't see what the fuss was since there was nothing in the log he'd been keeping that would show Kevin to be any sicker than any of the other people in Genoa City.

In Detroit, Kevin asked his mother if Terrible Tom was still around. Gloria Fisher said no. Tom had left a year ago for parts unknown and she'd since read the book 'Take a Pass on the Past' so she was absolved of anything bad Tom had done to Kevin. But Kevin wanted Gloria to take responsibility for making Kevin what he'd become. Gloria was confused. Just what did Kevin want? "Sometimes I think you should die," Kevin said.

After getting a visit from Grace Turner Sharon Newman raced to her husband's office where she begged Nick Newman to hold her. Nick told Sharon not to worry because he'd alert security at the Newman Ponderosa and the office to keep an eye out for Grace. Just then police detective Hank 'KGB' Weber strolled in to ask more questions. The Newmans, the ones who had begged Weber to investigate, started snarling. They weren't answering any questions now that Sharon was a suspect.

Sharon blurt out again she didn't kill Cameron Kristen because, "I'm a married woman with children." Weber raised his eyebrows in disbelief and was about to ask another question when Nick threaten to have his charged with harassment.

Sharon raced back to the Ponderosa to tell Nikki again she had to see Cameron's dead body with her own eyes and finally Nikki said she'd tag along. They went to the Lakeside Bar parking lot to meet Larry Warton who showed them the body was right there under the dumpster. Pushing it aside Larry removed the manhole cover and down the sewer they all went. The smell led them to a wrapped in a sheet body. When Larry pulled the sheet back so that Sharon could get a good look she fainted.

In Los Angeles J.T. Hellstrom was on his way to becoming a rock star. Even the President of Beachfront Records met with him and then into the recording studio he went to "lay down tracks" followed by a tour of the city in a jade green convertible and the recording of his first "hit" single which record promoters were ordered to have played on airwaves in Houston.

Back in Genoa City J.T.'s babe was thinking she should surprise him when she'd been told to stay away. Without informing her father Colleen Carlton caught the next flight to LA. On the plane Colleen made a call to Sierra NoLastName to report she'd told her father she was staying at Sierra's house for a few days. In a flash Colleen was at the airport in LA and merely had to follow the signs to a press conference J.T. was holding. When the Press asked if J.T. had a girlfriend he said no. The remark so devastated Colleen she burst into tears.

The next time Phyllis Summers blew into the Athletic Supporter Club she saw that kid again. This time she asked Gina Roma who said it was Daniel Romalotti. Earlier, Jack Abbott, on the brink of divorcing Phyllis, caught her getting sweet with Damon Porter. As a means to get even Jack put an end to the going nowhere magic orchid project.

Brittany Hodges, apparently over her scar, wasn't really over it. Her attitude so disturbed Raul Guittierez he went to the Newman Jitter Joint to tell the bartender all about it. It must have been Raul's lucky day as he pointed to Danny Romalotti at a nearby table. Raul got giddy. While he was but a babe in diapers Raul claimed to recall when Romalotti sang with Lauren Fenmore then invited himself to sit at Danny's table where he asked if Danny would help Brittany become interested in a singing career again. Danny said sure. Just name a time and place and he'd meet with her.

Week of April 5, 2004

Confused by what Abby Carlton had told him, that she had seen Mommy on TV saying he's her daddy, Victor Newman went to see what Brad Carlton knew about this. Brad said God help them all it was true. Victor still didn't get it. He hadn't had sex with Ashley Carlton in years. Brad brought Victor up to speed. That bitchy wife of his had managed to get herself artificial inseminated with sperm from a sperm bank but that's all he'd say because Ashley wanted to be the one to drop the baby bomb. Victor was pissed. He'd been lied to and deceived and someone would have to pay.

At the Chancellor Mausoleum Arthur Hendricks had moved into the room over the garage and in doing so had found a box of sex toys. Showing them to Katherine Sterling Art thought they were hers and gave his approval. Indeed some hot times lay ahead. Embarrassed, Katherine denied ever using sex toys.

Now that Kevin Fisher had supposedly confessed to Lauren Fenmore of having tried to kill Colleen Carlton Lauren wanted to know from Michael Baldwin what she should do so long as it didn't require telling the police. Baldwin wanted her to tell the police but agreed not to say anything if she didn't.

Meantime Paul 'Clueless' Williams was forcing his way into Baldwin apartment to tell Kevin he'd checked with Kevin's landlord who said he hadn't seen much of Kevin lately. As to what point he was trying to make Clueless said he wanted to know what Kevin told Lauren and that he already knew Kevin had confessed to everything. To make it easy on himself Clueless told Kevin to tell the cops. Kevin refused decided to skip town.

When Baldwin came home to find Kevin's good-bye note he summoned the Bug who said Kevin's leaving was no be deal so long as he appeared for the the preliminary bail hearing which was so odd as Kevin had already made bail. What the Bug meant was Kevin's preliminary trial hearing which was also odd in that those charged with crimes in Genoa City almost never get a preliminary hearing.

At the airport Kevin, with no money or credit, had managed to purchase a ticket to Detroit. Before leaving he called Lauren to tell her she was out $100,000. In a flash Kevin was in Detroit at his mother's apartment. The first thing he noticed was that the place didn't stink of nicotine. Gloria Fisher had quit smoking. But the closet where 'Terrible' Tom Fisher used to keep Kevin locked up was still there.

As freaked out as ever Sharon Newman summoned Larry Warton to the Newman Ponderosa again to tell him she wanted to see Cameron Kirsten's dead body with her own eyes. Larry agreed to be at Sharon's beck and call and later Disgrace Turner blew in to say she'd told Sharon's husband who killed Cameron.

Back at the airport 16-year-old Daniel Romalotti had just arrived from the Swiss Alps. Danny Romalotti took the kid straight to the Bug's love bunker which Daniel thought was creepy. When the Bug asked Daniel how long it had been since she'd seen him Daniel said "10 or 11 years" which it wasn't as the kid was two at the most when Danny kidnapped and took him to Europe. Daniel was also impressed to see that the Bug kept some of "Dad's" CD around and wanted to know the name of a good place to hang. The Bug suggested the Newman Jitter Joint and before leaving Daniel was asked if he was packing a cellphone. Daniel said, sure. Another oddity presuming that if the phone had been leased in Europe the roaming fees would be astronomical. If not, how Daniel could afford a cellphone when Danny was supposedly so poor he couldn't afford a decent motel room.

As it so happened Phyllis Abbott was at the Jitter Joint when Daniel walked in and so were the pitchfork-wielding teens Colleen Carlton, Lily Winters and Sierra NoLastName who instantly pounced when Daniel asked what they do for fun.

"My boyfriend and I like to come here," Colleen giggled, and when Daniel mentioned that his daddy is a "singer" Colleen flashed that her mother and Danny were once married but not related.

Also on the teen scene J.T. Hellstrom was on his way to Los Angeles to become a rock star.

Hail, Hail Rock & Roll

Noted Genoa City hunkmonkey, and fancier of rhythm and blues singers before his time, J.T. Hellstrom agreed this week to put his education on hold or at least assign the most important endeavor a young man can engage a lower priority.

Already saddled with a part-time job at Lauren Fenmore's Little Shop of Horrors and training to be a super-sleuth under the wing of private investigator Paul Williams, Hellstrom has been convinced by a record promoter whose last name he doesn't know that he'll be able to "carve out time" for a few college classes whenever he isn't working at becoming a rock star.

To that end Hellstrom plans to move to Los Angeles.

"That's where the music business is. We need to get J.T. in the recording studio," said puppet master, Shiloh NoLastName.

No relation to Genoa City's very own Oreo-eating teenager, Sierra NoLastName, Shiloh is certain that once music industry suits hear Hellstrom's pubescent voice and see that baby face he'll be a huge success. If and when it happens Hellstrom will forget all about school. In doing so he will instantly join the swelling ranks of the 44-million functionally illiterate Americans.

"Just breathe. Take it all in. Roll with it!" Shiloh told a starry-eyed Hellstrom so lost in the fantasy that he hasn't thought to check Shiloh's credentials or whether there is even an entity known as Beachfront Records and if there is what other "stars" might be signed under the label.

Not to be outdone in the illiteracy department Hellstrom's high-school sweetheart Colleen Carlton was a regular barrel of monkeys full of giggles when she got the news that her man is going to be a star. Hellstrom's excitement of going to the land of famous thick-necked slabs of Austrian meat and air pollution did have her somewhat concerned, however. Would Mr. and Mrs. Carlton be so caught up in their pitiful personal lives they'd gladly let a child go to Los Angeles for Spring Break? Who would keep the hunkmonkey on a short leash?

Totally unaware that Shiloh has no intention of allowing a school girl to cancel her meal ticket Hellstrom said he'd check out the possibility of Carlton tagging along to Smogville with him.

For all their giddiness it's a wonder these two nitwits didn't break out the boogie boards Carlton keeps in the closet next to her ice skates. Come on baby, wait and see, yes I'm gonna take you surfin' with me. Hot fun! Summer in the city. Back of my neck all sweat and gritty.

Life is good, is it not, for Genoa City's elite teens. When they aren't tracking down criminals, convincing dipstick adults that it's okay for young girls to be hanging out with older guys or pulling strings to get backstage at rock concerts, they're becoming rock stars.

School? Who needs it? When the reality sets in that Hellstrom can be nothing more than a one-hit wonder, he only need attend Genoa City Night School where four year college degrees can be earned in just two short weeks.